Sunday, April 1, 2012

April 1

It's April. Halle-freakin-lujah!

No kidding, I woke up this morning and my first thought was "I survived March. And it's over."

*Deep sigh*

Just typing that, I can feel a wave of relief wash over me. Last month was hard. There were some serious highs and some devastating lows.

In March:

I found out that my tumor hasn't grown. This is a tremendous blessing, in that I want to keep this puppy in me until the Fall, if I can. Having started a new job in September of last year, I need to clock a year of full time employment before I qualify for a medical leave. It is also a tremendous stressor, in that I have a tumor and I know it - and that is scary and not a fun thing to have to live with.

The widower came back into my life, and the widower went right back out of it. It was a crazy week full of emotional highs and lows, but (when I'm not wanting to run him over with my car) I am grateful for the insight he gave me. He helped me realize (and then remember) that the cancer I have is not worst-case scenario, and I'll always be grateful for that perspective.

I survived a week at work without Christian.

I signed a lease renewal. I know where I'll live for at least the next six months. It's not much, esp given that the reason I only signed a six month lease is that I have absolutely no idea what the next year will bring, but a six month lease was something I could control, and I'm all about controlling the few things that I can. (Please note: When I say "I have absolutely no idea what the next year will bring", I don't mean that I think I'll be dead in a year. I'm just being honest and admitting that I don't know where I'll be. I don't know if I'll still be plugging away at work. I dont know if I'll be recovering from surgery or figuring out how to live on disability. I just don't know. But I did feel like I could commit to six months, so I did.)

March was crazy. And now it's over.

Again, halle-freakin-lujah!

Hooray for a new month and new beginnings!