Monday, April 30, 2012

April 30

Tonight, I am tense. I have been all day.

I'm not sure why.

Okay, that's a lie. I may not be sure, but I think I know why. At least part of it. ... I didn't sleep well last night. At all. I had a hard time falling asleep. I woke up at 1:00 and had a hard time falling back asleep. I tossed and turned all night and finally fell into a hard sleep at about 4:00. ... And then I woke up at 6:30 and it was Monday.

This is not an auspicious way to start a day. (It being Monday, that is. Restless nights are not generally such a big deal, but when they're followed by a Monday morning, they're brutal.)

I survived the day. It's almost 9:00 PM and I'm still oddly tense. I'm pretty sure I'm gonna have to take an Ativan to be able to lie down and breathe at the same time. ... I haven't had this elephant-on-the-chest feeling in a long time. (Viva la walking meditation and the fact that my new sleep rules have resulted in me being more chill on a daily basis than I was without either of them!)

Tonight, I am super grateful for anti-anxiety medication that I know will cut the tension when nothing else will. And glory be and hallelujah for the knowledge that tonight I will sleep like a rock. For at least 6 hours. (Because that's how long the Ativan stays in my system. Whatever. I'll take it!)