Friday, August 17, 2012

August 17

A few random thoughts I've had over the last week or so that I thought I would share with the www:

- With Dr. G having taken all the guts (and the fat) out of the left side of my body, I am now skinnier on one side than the other. (It's not obvious when I have clothes on; but when it's just me and the mirror, sometimes I have to laugh out loud.) And what with physical therapy focusing on my right arm, I realized the other night that, if I'm not careful, I'm going to end up looking like that freak in Lady in the Water. (You know, the one with a lopsided body.) So now I am lifting a can of beans with my left arm, too. I figure this way, my upper body will be the same on both sides, even if my waist isn't.

- It has occurred to me that it's very possible that Dr. H may have told me that he loves me, and even proposed, when he visited me in the hospital (twice!), and I was too drugged to respond appropriately. I should probably clarify, at my next appointment, that if this did, in fact, take place and I either continued sleeping (or worse, went off on one of my paranoid rants - pain/drug related post-surgery psychosis is no walk in the park, I tell you!), that he should say it/ask me again. I mean, just in case he's been feeling the part of a spurned lover/doctor, he should know that I wasn't in my right mind and that if he asked again, I'd say yes. (Jo agrees with me. I think she just wants him to come to Sunday dinner so she can talk to him about his homeland, but I'll take all the support I can get in my (I know, imaginary) relationship with Dr. H.)

- Cancer has taken over my brain. (Figuratively. Literally, it took over my retroperitoneum, my kidney, my spleen, part of my colon and part of my diaphragm. To my knowledge, my brain is cancer-free. It's just a little more warped that it used to be. ... And it was bad enough the way it was, thanks.) I went to the grocery store the other day and there was a ridiculously attractive bald man in the lane next to me. I looked at him. He looked back at me. And all I could think was "I wonder if it was chemo?". No "Hi... Hello... How YOU doin'?". Nope, I just stared at his beautiful bald head and wondered if he was a cancer patient. Ugh, Evans, get a grip. (I really should keep up on the flirting - or, at the very least, making polite conversation - until my plans for Nathan or Dr. H come to fruition. Honestly!)

And I've decided that's probably enough sharing of what goes on inside my head. For today, anyway. Be sure to check back tomorrow. By then, I could have very well had three (or more) very similar thoughts/experiences. ... I do what I can to keep it lively here at Cancer Girl Central.