Friday, September 21, 2012

September 21

Do you know what I love to get in the mail?

An itemized hospital bill.

I'm not kidding. It's pretty much the Holy Grail of lists, with all those details and dollar amounts (and we all know how I do love me a good list).

Here are some fun numbers for you:

Anesthesia: $24,577.00
Pulmonary Func: $3,960.00
Sterile Supply: $11,360.70
Intermediate Care: $3,925.00
OR Services: $47,057.00
Pharmacy: $5,197.80
Urology: $220.00
Blood/Stor-Proc: $770.00

Anesthesia was worth every penny. (And would have been worth even more, I am sure, had the epidural worked!)

I'm not sure what that second charge was, but I'm pretty sure "pulmonary" means lungs and breathing is worth $4,000 to me, easy.

Sterile supply? To me, that means bandages. I have to think that means something slightly different to the hospital, because I can't imagine that it cost that much to staple, sew and bandage me back together. (And I while I will be the first to brag to the world that I came out of this last surgery with four - count them, four! - new binders, I'm quite confident that the street price for Doctor Ordered Spanx is nowhere near $4,000 apiece.)

Intermediate Care = ICU. I thought that number would be fun to include, for any of you who've ever wondered how much it cost to spend one night in the ICU.

That was the longest - and most expensive - surgery I hope to ever have. Amen.

I. Heart. Drugs. (Interestingly enough, there's a separate charge titled drugs/detail code. I'm happy to pay for pain pills any and every way they want to charge me. Not a problem.)

Yup. Urology. ... I can only assume this is the infamous pregnancy test that I am required to take each and every time I'm admitted. They can never take my word for it when I say, "Seriously. There is NO WAY that I am pregnant." Oh, well. At least it was cheaper than processing/storing blood, whatever that means. (I literally just gagged, thinking about it.)

And would you like to know what else I love?


As much as I may murmur and mumble under my breath about how "the out-of-pocket maximum is so NOT the literal maximum you'll ever pay out of your own pocket", I am grateful for insurance. So, so, soooooo grateful for insurance, because there is no way I could have ever paid the full bill on my own.

Especially when this is what I'm bringing home these days:

Yup. That is my most recent paycheck. Hilarious, no? I literally laughed - OUT LOUD - when I saw that paystub.

In defense of my piddly check, that pay period included Labor Day weekend (read: the Utah excursion), so I was out for the five day weekend. Between working reduced hours and not working for three of ten days in a pay period, that check was pretty pathetic.

The one (and I do mean one) upside of going back to work full time will be bringing home a full 80 hour check again. In the meanwhile, I'm just gonna focus on being grateful that I have insurance that cut a very (VERY!) considerable chunk of that hospital bill for me.