Friday, October 12, 2012

October 12

Today was a long day.

And when I say long, I mean brutal.

I woke up this morning, rolled out of bed and knew this day was going to be a doozy. Before my feet hit the floor, I was hurting. You name it, my shoulder, my ribcage, my neck, my head, my stomach, my back, my right foot. ... I don't know what I did to my body this week, but we are friends off. In a big way.

To put this day into proper perspective, let me say that I usually wake up, eat breakfast, get dressed and am on my way out the door in 30, maybe 35 minutes. It took me almost an hour and a half to get out the door this morning.

My work day was longer than usual. I physically moved around the office more than I typically do. I had to stand, bent at the waist, more than once, as I reviewed reports and corresponding paperwork across a shared desk. The pain I had felt in the morning was eclipsed by the pain of this afternoon.

Shortly after 3:00, I had a clear and distinct thought of, "If I were the kind of person who gave up, this is exactly when I would do it." But I didn't give up. Instead, I went back to my desk and ate a roll with three pre-packaged pats of butter while I reviewed the last bit of work for the day. (Yes, I like to frost my bread with butter. Don't judge.) Oh, and I started to cry - and I didn't stop for about three hours - but I did not give up.

I got home from work just after 5:00. I collapsed in my bed for a few minutes, then got up and got into the shower. After a solid ten minutes of standing under a steady stream of water (read: leaning up against the wall of the shower, because I didn't have the willpower or physical strength to stand on my own), I started to feel a little better. It, again, took almost two hours to get myself out of the shower, dressed and back out the door, but my good friend Ashley got married this afternoon and there was NO WAY I was going to miss her party. I'm glad I was able to make her reception. I love her. I love her family. I also love cupcakes - and they had, like, five different kinds to choose from. (I tried three of the five, in case you wondered.) I'm so glad that I was able to end this long, hard, pain-filled day on a high note, with people (and baked goods) that I so enjoy.

This day has been hard. Lately, I feel like my body and my spirit are at war. What I know is that my spirit will win. It has to. I won't let it not come out on top. (I may have the physical strength of a two year old, but I have an absolutely iron will.)

I knew that going back to work full time would be difficult, and I knew that moving into a new position in a different department would increase the strain on my weak little body. And I will not lie, it has been hard. ... I also know that it will get easier the longer I do it. So, come Monday morning, I'm gonna pick myself up and go right back at it.

But in the meanwhile, I intend to soak up every single minute of my weekend. Every. Single. Minute. (You may quote me.)