Last week, I had dinner with some girlfriends, my sister-in-law, Brea, among them. During dinner, Brea asked me if I knew what I was going to say next Saturday (today). I told her I wasn't sure. She then asked if I thought I'd give the same presentation in both sessions I'm speaking in. Again, I told her that I wasn't sure.
Ladies and gentlemen (I like to think there's at least one man, who's not related) who reads this, I am on the five hour countdown and I'm still not sure what I'll say, and whether or not I'll repeat myself in my second session or go rogue and do something totally different.
... And I'm not even one little bit worried.
This is why: I have been making a mental list (we know I love lists) for weeks now of the experiences I would want to share, of the things that have changed not only my body, but my life. (Who's kidding who? I've been making that list for months and years, and a lot of those experiences are catalogued here, at Cancer Girl Central.)
I had an experience last week that gave me an opportunity to go from Point A (the cough that lead me to the doctor with Tumor #1 aka: Darth Vader) to Point ZL (where I am right now). I had an acquaintance, who had time and a genuine interest in knowing the history, ask me some questions and I was able to speak to the experience for over 30 minutes without breaking. With the lack of both time and energy I've been dealing with this week, an opportunity to sit down and craft a well-written presentation has eluded me. (When a medical professional sends a girl home and tells her that she needs to lie down and be still for the rest of the day, she does it. And then, when she still feels like she was hit by the train the next day, she does it again. Wash. Rinse. Repeat. ... Welcome to my world, esp this week.)
I have not had the energy to put together a slide show. I have no visuals. (Uh, except myself.) I don't even have poster board. (I heart poster board and had been planning on putting key points on poster board so I could have them up there, in front of a room.)
But what I do have is me. As well rested and as strong as I possibly can be. ... And years of experience, and a whole lot of life - a fabulous, blessed and charmed life - to share.
I may not know exactly what I'm going to say, but I have a message to share and, again, I am so grateful for the opportunity to do that.
I am Cancer Girl: Stronger than cancer, faster than fear.