Wednesday, November 14, 2012

November 14

An actual thought I had, as I stepped into a hot shower,

"Come Saturday, I'll either feel better ... or ... I'll know why I'm so tired."

True story.

Again, it's not the manic exhaustion that I've felt in years/scans past. I'm not waking myself up at night, thinking about things. The reality is, I'm sleeping like the dead - for almost half the hours in the day, every day of the week.

I'm just tired, and I don't know why.

I know it's not: anemia, my thyroid, kidney function or anything else that can be found in my blood. It could well be a body slowly recovering from a really hard surgery. It's possible that it's a side effect of my doctor having put me on a low dose of Zoloft last month. (When I told her how tired I was, and my bloodwork didn't give any obvious reasons of fatigue/exhaustion, she suggested that an anti-depressant may help give some energy back.) Had I felt an emotional, depression-like, dip? No. But I get that my body has been through the ringer - trust me, I get that - and I understand that the bod could well be needing a little chemical pick-me-up at this point in time. That said, I haven't felt an energy boost from the Zoloft. But my guess is that part of why I'm not as emotional (read: hysterical) as I usually am pre-scan has a lot to do with that little blue pill.

Viva la anti-depressants!

So, I'm tired. But I'm not hysterical and I'm not worried sick, so that's a major win.

My guess is that part of the tired is that, somewhere in the back of my mind, the fact that it's Scan Week is taking a toll. (Thus the first part of my thought this morning.) There's also a possibility that something weird is going on inside of me, and that's sapping my energy. (You can understand that I feel that the second part of my thought is as well founded as the first, going off my history.)

The reality is, I've been tired for a long time. (For years, actually.) I'm a little more tired lately than usual (see my multiple nights of 10+ hours of sleep). That could be the scan coming, it could be my new little pill, it could be a tired body that's working 40 hours a week. It could be a lot of things. ... But this Thursday, they're doing a little more bloodwork and a fun new scan (I have officially graduated to the PET), both of which, I am sure, will help me feel better.

Knowledge is power. In two days, I'll have more of both of those things.

Like I said, come Saturday, I'll feel better (if only because I'll know more). ... Come Friday at 3:00, to be more specific. ... At any rate, Saturday morning's shower will, hopefully, be met with more energy than today's was.