Monday, December 10, 2012

December 10

I had someone ask me yesterday if - or, rather, I had someone assume that - I am used to needles, as often as I get my blood drawn.

Uhhhh... No, no I am not.

I hate it. I have always hated it. And, if anything, I hate needles more now than I ever did before.

Prior to my life as a human pin cushion (also known as: prior to my initial surgery and diagnosis), I hated needles. I have teeny, tiny veins. The words, "hard stick" don't begin to describe me. I gave blood ONE TIME, when I was 18, and had to breathe deeply to make it through the experience without totally losing it. ("Without totally losing it" refers to my: gag reflex, claustrophobia, tendency towards to anxiety attacks and propensity for bursting into tears at the drop of a hat.) Suffice it to say, I'm pretty sure The Red Cross was more than happy NOT to have me volunteer to donate blood, ever again.

I hate the sight of blood. I can't even tell you how many IV's I've had in the last two and a half years, but I can tell you FOR DARN SURE how many times I've watched them go in. ... Never.

I cannot watch the phlebotomist draw my blood, because I get queasy if I see the vial fill. (I just gagged,  literally gagged, thinking about it.)

And I'm telling you, it's worse now than it ever was. Before, I was nervous that I might have pain or see my own blood. Now, I have multiple memories of pretty intense pain (nothing's more fun than a nurse, digging for a vein and TALKING about it!) and I've seen my own blood more often than I'd care to discuss.

Not to mention... the bruising.

Behold:



Keep in mind, this bruise is four days old and is fading. Fast.

So, no. No, I am used to having my blood drawn. No, I am not used to IV's. No, I am not used to MRI's.

And I doubt that I ever will be.

Am I incredibly grateful for modern medicine? Yes! Am I amazed, on a sometimes weekly/monthly basis, what they can tell about what's going on in my body, just by testing my blood? Absolutely! Am I blown away by the technology that will allow a machine to take pictures of THE INSIDE OF MY BODY while I lie inside a tube for a couple hours? ... For sure!

My goodness gracious, I am so grateful for all of the things that testing my blood, inserting IV's and scans can do for me!

I just hate the process(es).

A lot.

And, I'm sorry to say, I think I always will. (Doesn't mean I'll stop going to the doctor, getting my blood taken, having radioactive matter injected into me, or refuse to let them strap me to a board and then bake me inside a machine for an hour or two. I'll do whatever I have to do. ... But I don't have to like it. Which is lucky, because I don't.)

The End.