I'm going to tell you another story about how mornings are not my favorite time of the whole day.
It's a pretty well-known fact that I don't function well in the AM. I mean, it's so bad that I have to plan what I'm going to wear the night before, otherwise I stand in my closet for 20 minutes staring at rows of clothes, thinking that I have nothing to wear, and I end up being late to work. I'm adorable.
For most of the day, I can think on my feet. Believe it or not, I'm actually pretty rational. ... Most of the time. (I know that I don't come across as a rational being when all you know of me is this goofy little blog, but I promise that I do actually have a brain in my head.) But in the morning, all bets are off.
The following is a true story from my actual life:
I was getting ready for work and thought to myself that I wanted to wear my brown wooden earrings. So, I went to my handy-dandy jewelry bowl to get them. (I know. I'm sooooo organized.)
There was only one wooden earring in the bowl.
So I proceeded to look through the other two bowls. ... I even fished through the Christmas jewelry bowl, and nothing.
And that's when it hit me:
"Oh my gosh. I only have one earring. ... A serial killer broke into my apartment and took the mate as a trophy!"
This was my actual thought, followed closely by:
"Oh, wait. A killer would only need a trophy if he'd killed me, and I'm still alive."
Not, "A serial killer? Really? That's the most ludicrous thing you've ever thought, Evans!"
Oh, no. My thoughts were very much along the lines of, "Calm down. You're not dead."
(In retrospect, it was very reminiscent of the time that I had to tell myself "Evans. Calm down. The Joker doesn't know Batman is your boyfriend. He won't hurt you." in order to fall back asleep in the middle after the night after having Dark Knight flashbacks.)
Good heavens. Sometimes I scare even myself.