I'm pretty sure that I've been watching too much television this week. (Month/Year/For my entire life....)
This is what just happened in my real life. But first... a little back story.
So, last night, I fell asleep on my couch during an episode of Numb3rs. (Sad but true. It happens all the time. I'm so old!) I woke up at about 3:00, turned the TV off and went back and rolled myself into bed.
I woke up this morning at 7:00, and my first thought was, "I wonder if they caught those stinkin' jewel thieves?".
(Also, sad but true. Someone may identify a bit much with whatever she was watching when she fell asleep. ... Let me tell you right now, that when I was binge-watching Smash, I would wake up with not only music running through my brain, but I also had erratic, emotional - upon waking - thoughts regarding both Michael Swift and our pal Derek. I had a serious love/hate relationship with both of them.)
I came out to the living room, intent to finish the episode I half-slept through last night. (In my defense, I did make myself act like a grownup and empty the dishwasher before I was allowed to crash on the couch and watch TV.)
The dishes and my breakfast were both done (yes, I made food - impressive, no?) at about the same point in the episode that I'd crashed last night, so I sat down to enjoy the rest of the show.
Now, so you can picture in your minds exactly HOW ridiculous this was... please allow me to paint a bit of a back story to the episode.
(This is season 5, episode 1, for any of you who want to play along.)
Episode opens with a mountain climber being shot. (We have no idea why, or who shot him.) Dead mountain climber has, like, a 56 carat diamond on his body when he is found. FBI investigates the mysterious death. Finds out there's also a dead diamond dealer. (Not the dude who shot the climber, so don't worry about that.) FBI questions other climbers who knew said dead dude, to see if they knew where dead dude could have found the diamond. One team of climbers makes it their mission to backtrack their dead friend's route, to see if they can find the area the diamond could have come from. Meanwhile, the FBI realizes that a plane went down in the area. (FBI + Charlie, et al, reason that the plane was probably carrying the diamonds, that the climbers came upon the wreckage and pulled the bag full of diamonds out and was walking them back to civilization, when the diamond thieves realized the plane had crashed, someone had taken their raw diamond stash, and that the thieves had then found/killed the climbers.)
I know, I know... if I stopped writing right now, you'd probably be tortured, wondering what happens next. (Welcome to my world. This is where I fell asleep last night!)
Enter what happened this morning:
Whilst the geniuses (by which I mean: Charlie, et al) were back in Pasadena, mapping out the grid to determine exactly where the plane had gone down, Don was hiking through the mountains and came across three big, bad dudes (with guns - big ones) who were holding two climbers hostage. (The team of climbers who had made it their mission to back track their dead friend's route.) The bad dudes thought the new climbers were in cahoots with the dead climbers, and were threatening to kill one of them - to make the survivor spill it. ... Well, of course the climbers didn't know anything about the diamonds. LUCKY FOR THEM, Don was in the bushes with his pistol. He was able to lure out the two with semi-automatic weapons with a tape recorder, and then he knocked out the dumb, big guy and made off with the two hikers. Too bad the dude hiker/climber twisted his ankle and couldn't keep up with Don and the chick, so dude decided to sacrifice himself so he wouldn't slow and Don and the girlie down, saying "They think I know where the diamonds are; they won't kill me."
At the commercial break, it showed the bad dudes beating/torturing the climber dude. I was, understandably, shaken. (I hate blood. I hate it a lot.)
In an effort to calm myself the heck down, I said (yeah, I said this - to myself), "Evans, chill. You don't even know this guy!"
That was an excellent reality check. ... I don't actually KNOW any of these people. They aren't even REAL people!
Like I said... if ever there was a sign that maybe I watch too much television, this would be it.
I'm leaving the house today, making sure that I interact with real people. ... Right after I finish this episode of Numb3rs, that is.