As some of you (read: ALL of you) may know, I do some pretty stupid things in the AM.
And when I say stupid, I mean... STOO-PID.
So, I thought it would be fun this month to do a post a week chronicling my early morning idiocy. You know, just to help you feel better about your own lives. I'm such a giver, right?
I like to buy gas on my way to work. Why? Because I loooove gas station breakfast. Gone are the days that I could have Cheetos and a Cherry Coke for breakfast, but I'm still down with donuts and/or chips with a bottle of water. I mean, a girl may as well fill her own tank while the car gasses up, right?
The last time I bought gas, I picked up a glazed donut from the bakery. (I heart QT. They have an actual bakery section. ... Don't get me wrong. I will eat Hostess, but I do prefer glazed raised.) I got back in my car - after having put the nozzle/hose back in the tank, don't you worry - and headed off to work.
Now, my car's a stick, so driving can be a little tricky when you're holding a bottle of water in one hand and a donut in the other.
I know. I paint quite a picture.
But I'm not done yet.
Imagine this: Me. At a stoplight. Water in one hand. Donut in the other. Needing to shift down in order to turn onto the freeway. ... So I did what any rational person would do; I put the donut in my mouth to hold it while I made a tight turn.
About halfway through the turn, with my mouth holding a half-eaten glazed donut, I thought... "Oh my gosh! This is EXACTLY what the bank employee felt like in Dark Knight, when The Joker pulled the pin and stuck the grenade in that guy's mouth and drove off with the school bus full of money. Ahhhhhh!"
I'm not kidding. My mind started racing and I totally panicked...
And then I remembered that I was holding a pastry between my teeth - not explosives - and I was able to breathe again. Also, I was able to eat again. ... Which was lucky, considering I still had half a donut to go - and a whole lot of post-Joker-anxiety to relieve.