Sunday, May 11, 2014

The #1 Mom

Today, I am grateful for the woman who invented me.

Biologically, she gave me:

My curly hairs
My big eyes
My strong nails
My crazy laugh
My crooked teeth

By example, she taught me:

To accept myself as I am
To choose happiness
To love people as they are
To play with children
That's it's okay to laugh OUT LOUD

I see my mom in the way that I hold a newborn baby, and in how I wash dishes and then set them on the stove to dry. I hear her laugh when I laugh, and every once in a while, I'm lucky enough to hear her when I'm singing.

As grateful as I am that Judy is my mom, I'm even more grateful that she's my friend. Every day, I am grateful.

Thanks, Mom. For everything. I love you.

Wednesday, May 7, 2014

Today was the day.

The day that I vowed to never wear a skirt (or pants - or anything else with any kind of an *actual waistband) ever again. Or until Henry goes the way of Darth Vader.

Hen is out of control. (Okay, so am I. ... By which I mean: I am fully aware that part of Henry's problem is that the person who feeds this body thinks that nachos are a legitimate breakfast option. But listen... nachos meet multiple food group requirements. Seriously: cheese, grains, vegetables/fruits - if you add tomatoes and/or avocado. They're a balanced meal! ... Sort of.)

But I digress.

Here's a pic of me that was taken this morning. (I make note that this was a morning shot, because Henry gets bigger as the day goes on. Between the gravity that literally pulls him further out of me the longer I stand and... well... the nachos (and other foods) that I ingest that make my stomach full, Henry is a significantly bigger deal by nightfall than he was in the AM. Every day of my life.)

*Good news: Yoga pants don't have actual waistbands. Phew!

See that off-centered bulge right around where my bellybutton should be? ... That's my friend Henry.

(Don't you worry. I didn't wear just this shirt and skirt out of the house.  That would have been obscene. I put my pink ruffly shirt OVER the black shirt. I've found that nothing hides Henry better than ruffles do. ... Good thing I've been a big fan of ruffley tops since 1978. Thus, I own A LOT of clothes with built-in camouflaging ruffles.)

Anyhoo... the skirt that I was wearing today rests right under Henry. I've been fine wearing this skirt for MONTHS, because the waistband was low enough that it never bugged. ... Gone are the days.

By 10:00 this morning, I could feel the underside of Henry chafing from rubbing against my skirt as I walked.

I guess it'll be maternity dresses and yoga pants for a while... (I'm swearing off the maternity jeans for the next little bit. Since they sort of slipped right off my bum while I was on a date last week, I'm thinking they'll be keeping the top shelf in my closet company for a while.)

Friday, May 2, 2014

What I learned in school

This month marks 22 years since I graduated from high school. ... The mind reels, doesn't it? Where does the time go?

Anyhoo... I was thinking the other day about all the stuff I learned in school. There was some pretty great stuff taught in the Snowflake Unified School District back in the 80's and 90's. Please allow me to tell you all about it. (K-8, anyway.)

Kindergarten: I learned that leprechauns are real.

1st Grade: I learned not to tell my mom I had friends who were boys.

2nd Grade: I learned that if I used my fingernails to push the straight pins into the bulletin board, it didn't hurt nearly as badly as when I used the pad of my index finger.

3rd Grade: I learned that North is RIGHT IN FRONT of me.

4th Grade: I learned that the correct pronunciation is Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, with a hard CH.

5th Grade: I learned that when you blow on rabbit fur, the fur spreads out in a perfect circle and you can see the rabbit's actual skin.

6th Grade: I learned that I was tall.

7th Grade: I learned not to shave my arms.

8th Grade: I learned that menstrual cycles don't usually go on for 3 or more weeks.

Ahhh... You just can't beat a public school education!