Saturday, August 30, 2014

One month later

On July 30th, I wrote a status report. It's been a month, so I figured it was time to write one again.

So, here ya go...

I'm okay.

Seriously, I am.

I mean... I'm tireder than I'd like to be. But I still feel better than I have in recent months, so I'll take it.

I take two Tylenol PM every night between 7:00 and 8:00, and I go to bed (by which I mean: fall asleep on the couch, watching The West Wing) between and 8:00 and 9:00. Most mornings, I pound two more Tylenol as soon as I wake up (because everything inside of me shifts when I sleep on my side, and it hurts like the devil), but... that's it. I am no longer watching the clock to pop a couple pills every six hours. Really, I'm down to Tylenol twice a day most days. So, that's a win.

I can walk a whole mile now. Some days, even a mile and a half. (Depending on whether I want to walk for 30 or 45 minutes in the 100+ degree heat. ... Yes, it takes me half an hour to walk a mile. Don't judge!) This morning, was my seventh consecutive mile-or-more walk a day, and I cannot even tell you how happy it makes me that I'm able to walk - on the streets - again. I had to re-learn how to walk this time on a treadmill, and it was brutal. This has been the weirdest surgery recovery ever, in that I've struggled with nausea and other weirdie stomach issues... which made it harder to be physically active. Ten weeks later, I haven't felt like I was going to puke for a week. And I'm walking around the block again. Sans earbuds, holding only a bottle of water... I don't even take my phone with me, because I want to be able to see and hear everything out there. I love it!

I've had several people texting/calling/dropping by to ask what's new.

Uh... Nothing. "Nothing" is the answer to, "What's new?".

My guess is that people are looking for an update, because most cancer patients meet with their doctors more than every 60-90 days. (And, I'm pretty sure that my visits will increase in the semi-near future.) As of now, we're still on the wait-until-October-and-then-we'll-do-a-PET-to-see-what's-going-on-in-there plan. I don't actually have that scan scheduled yet, but I'm guessing that'll go on the books in the next week or two. Which means that I have another five or so weeks of blessed ignorance. (It's true, what they say: Ignorance IS bliss!)

So, I'll keep walking (albeit slowly) around the block, eating peanut M&M's like they're vitamins, and chain-watching TV (God bless whoever came up with the idea of Netflix streaming, for real!) as I ease myself back into working full time and living my life.

Life is good.

I may be slow - okay, let's be honest... I've been slower - but I am moving. My strength is constantly improving. I may not see it in the day to day, but I'm still seeing markers on a weekly basis of things I can do that I couldn't do the week before. I never cease to be amazed at what the human body can endure and recover from (and I think I have a sort of lame body... just imagine what some of YOUR bodies could do!). I'm tired, so I'm not blogging as much, or appearing in public as often, but I'm here. And I'm alright. I promise.

Monday, August 25, 2014

I love to laugh... long, and loud, and clear!

As anyone who's known me for, like, half a second knows... I love to laugh.


And loud.

And often.

And one of my favorite, surefire, guaranteed, laugh-until-my-face-hurts things to do is go to Jester'Z Improv. I mean, I seriously love that place! I'm a huge fan of improv comedy, period. But I especially enjoy Jester'Z, because I know that I can take anyone with me... my mom, friends from work, my nine year-old nephew... and they'll love it as much as I do. Jester'Z does a live, original, 90 minute show. Every time. And they never disappoint.

I have always loved the people at Jester'Z, but now? ... Now, I love them even more.

The good people of Jester'Z are doing a Cancer Girl Benefit show.

That's right. You heard me... I'M HAVING A JESTER'Z FUNDRAISER! ... And I'm so excited that I can hardly stand it!

The date is September 23rd (it's a Tuesday). The time is 6:30-8:00. The location is the new Jester'Z theater at 1061 N. Dobson Rd. #114, Mesa, Az.

It will, as always, be a 90 minute, original, show. The cost is $13 per ticket (Jester'Z standard ticket cost). And 100% of the proceeds will benefit yours truly.

We're working on gathering donations for a silent auction (if you have any goods or services you'd like to put up on the block, let me know!), and are hoping to put a table up in the lobby to sell baked goods before/after the show. (Maybe some candied bacon? Go ahead and twist my arm...)

Click here to be directed to the site where you can buy tickets to the show. Please note that you can buy tickets in any quantity, from the comfort of your home or office, computer or phone. (You know me. I like to make it as easy as I can for you all to help a girl out...) All you need is an internet connection and a debit card, and you can make all of my dreams come true AND get a good hour and a half of laughs in the deal. (Oh, and a cupcake. Or some cookies. Or both.)

As always, I have nothing but love for all 13 of my original readers, as well as you fabulous people who have been drug here to my (crazy) little corner of the www from the book of faces.

Thank you for having an interest in my life, in my health... in, well... me. I appreciate, more than I can say, the sense of community that the cancer has given me. I have the very best support system in all of the world, and I'm grateful for every thing that every single one of you does for me. Please consider this particular fundraiser my gift to you. (Usually, I just ask ya'll to give me dollars. This time, you're getting a heck of a show in exchange for your donation.) There is nothing I would love more than to fill the studio with people near and dear to my heart... to have you laugh with me, as you're helping me.

Friday, August 22, 2014

In case you've ever wondered exactly how much I love the X-Men...

Here are some fun little stories about how jacked-up-crazy-town I get when I'm on pain meds.

Scene: Judy is bringing me in pain meds at 2:15 AM. I am asleep in my bed. Judy wakes me to take my pills, and I come to, saying...

"I was just dreaming about the X-Men. Like, I was one of them. My power? ... Not regeneration."

Ya like that, huh?

Well... here's another one from the day I came home from the hospital:

"Lindsay's trying to give me weight training lessons in my head. ... It's not working."

More, you say? You want more?! Okay, fine.

Talking about taking pain meds in the hospital, trying to decide whether to have drugs administered via IV or with pills:

"The IV... The ID... The IV... This is fun for you isn't it? Where's the candid camera?"

Okay, okay, okay... One more.

To Judy in the hospital, as I was waking up (from a drug-induced stupor/sleep... obviously):

"We're cellmates. Living in a paper manufacturing company. And the beeper means that an order is ready."

Isn't it great that Judy keeps a notebook of all my surgeries/dreams/hallucinations, so I can share these special moments with you?

You're welcome.

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Mmmmm... Bacon.

Here is a True Story From My Actual Life:

Last week, I fried up a pound of bacon like I am a woman who has both the strength and energy to cook dinner after a hard (half) day at work. (That's right. Bacon for dinner, don't judge.)

And then... once it was all fried up, I took a good, hard, look at that plate of bacon and I thought to myself...

"I should probably only eat half of that, because I don't want to make myself sick."

True story. I only ate HALF a pound of bacon. ... Because I was wanting to take it easy on the ol' gastrointestinal system.

And here's the kicker... even half a pound was too much for my sad little body to handle.


(What kind of person says something like that? ... Wait. Don't say anything. ... I know the answer: A lame one.)


Anyhoo... I made bacon again this week. You know, because I am not a quitter.

And, instead of eating half the bacon, I divided it into thirds and only ate 1/3 a lb of bacon.

Drumroll, please...

And, good news, kids! My sad little system can handle that!


Bacon and Laurie = FRIENDS ON AGAIN! (In limited quantities.)

Saturday, August 2, 2014


My one, single, solitary gripe about The Sweetest Comeback in the History of Ever...

I can't, for the life of me, find one of these:

It seems that the people of Hostess chose not to bring back the dang blackberry pie when their product was resurrected and put back on the shelves of grocery stores and gas stations across the nation. Argh.

Now, I know this pie is chock full of sugar (and the crust is 100% white flour), so I couldn't really digest it... even if I could find one.

But man alive... what I wouldn't give for two (okay, three) bites of an old school blackberry pie.

Friday, August 1, 2014

That was then, and this is now

Six weeks ago, this was the view from the top:

And now...


(Yeah, that's the same manicure I got the day of surgery. Don't judge. I have more important things to do than paint my toenails. Like painting my fingernails while I watch Castle.)