Don't mind the political nature of the title of this post. ... My couch and I have been spending a lot of time with my friends in The West Wing this month. (I'm about seven episodes from the end of the series. ... I can't say any more than that, because I'll probably start to cry about it. Again.)
But for real... here's what's going on in my world:
Lots of TV watching. Usually because I'm too tired to do more than sit/lie/fall asleep in a sitting position on my couch... but sometimes because I wake up in the middle of the night with a busy brain and can't go back to sleep.
Lots of crying. ... See the statement above about how I keep waking up in the middle of the night with a busy brain. I happen to live in a body that needs 8 hours of sleep to function. ... And I haven't had a solid 8 hours of sleep on the reg since, oh... August. (I did get a solid 10 hours Saturday night. - Thank you double dose of Ativan combined with two Tylenol PM! - Which gave me hope that maybe I'd be in actual control of my emotions yesterday. Uh, no. No, I was not in any kind of control. And if you don't believe me, feel free to ask my sweet little 6 year old niece, Hazel. The poor kid was sitting on my lap in church when I could not get it together. Shoot. Me. Now.)
Lots of weird little projects. (Walk-in closet cleaned out? Check. Kitchen towels organized in the hall closet? Check. All hot pads washed and mended where hot bacon grease may or may not have incinerated entire sections of yarn? Also, check.) See statements above about the busy brain. My options, when my brain is this busy, are to either make my hands just as busy as my brain is... or to sit on the floor and cry. Sometimes, I get a lot accomplished. Sometimes, I don't.
Here's the thing: I am tired. More tired than I think I have ever been. (And, kids, I have been tiiiiii-red.) This has been the busiest month, bar none, of my life. Which, truly, I think has been a good thing... because without all the stuff that's been keeping my hands busy, I'm afraid that my super-active brain would have imploded on itself and killed me on the spot. But still, I am tired.
So tired that I can't handle talking on the phone, unless I'm driving at the same time. ... Because I need the distraction of driving to keep myself from bursting into tears. So tired that I still haven't counted the cash from the bake sale/Jester'Z fundraiser of last week. (Seriously. I haven't even unzipped the bag it's been sitting in. On my table. For almost a week.) So tired that I honestly considered sleeping on my closet floor on Saturday, because I wasn't sure that I had the energy to pick myself up and put myself to bed.
If it wasn't so laughable, how tired I am, it would be pathetic. I mean, I'm so tired right now that my gums are swollen and my teeth hurt, which is a new low, even for me. (It's awesome that I think that's funny, right?!)
The good news is... (drum roll, please) Dr. G fought a good fight with my insurance company, and I'm scheduled to have my radioactive injection on Thursday.
The PET is Thursday morning at 7:00, and I'll get results on Friday around 10:00.
And as much as I am a leery of getting the results (at this point... and trust me when I say that I've thought of and through ALL of the possible scenarios here - usually in the middle of the night... there really isn't a scenario/treatment plan/surgical option that I'm a fan of), I am hopeful that once I have concrete information as to what's causing the cramping on my left side, I'll be able to sleep. For at least six hours. And then maybe the swelling in my gums will go down and I'll be able to smile a whole smile. (A girl can dream, right?)
Until then, I have six and a half episodes of TWW to get through. (Yeah, I've watched a good half an episode while I've been typing. Remember how I told you I have to multitask, or I cry? Case. In. Point.)
As always, more details will come as I have them. For now, I just wanted to check in with ya'll (I thought maybe it was time to talk about more than the Neon... and no, I still don't have an answer there, the latest is that they'll have final word by Friday this week) and let you know that while I am one tired girlie, I am still kicking. I may not be answering my phone or making any unnecessary public appearances, due to lack of social (or any other kind of) energy, but I'm hanging in there. I'm grateful that it's FINALLY scan week, and am super hopeful that the (okay, my) hyper emotional insanity is about to end.