As anyone who's known me for, say... half a minute knows, I am a list-loving FOOL!
Lists of Lists...
Seriously, I am a list-loving fool! (One year, one of my girlfriends gave me a list-o-graphy book. It's like a journal, sort of. But it's organized in lists that tell the story of one's life. I love it!)
Anyhoo... I am a lover of a list. I like writing my tasks down, and I like scratching them off. Lists bring me joy.
And yet, there's one list that I simply cannot bring myself to make: The Bucket List.
It's funny, I never knew that I had strong feelings about TBL (yeah, I totally just made that acronym up) until I had the cancer.
There are all these songs about bucket lists, movies about bucket lists. Most people I know have a Bucket List (at the very least, in their head). But not me.
Here's the thing... as much as I do love a list, I only like to write things down that I know I'm going to be able to cross off. And TBL, by its very nature, screams to me that there may not be time to get it all done.
I don't know... it makes me nervous.
So, I don't have ABL. (Did you catch that? A Bucket List, acronymed. ... I must be slap happy, because I am breaking grammar rules left and right, making up acronyms and VERBING "acronym", while I'm at it.)
Tonight, Gone With The Wind was the classic movie at the Cinemark in my neighborhood. It's been on my calendar in my phone for weeks, if not months. I'd been so looking forward to seeing one of my most favorite movies of all time on a big screen... but here's the thing: My spine feels like it wants to pop out of my body. Usually, I get enough rest and down time on the weekend that I start the week w/o pain, and then it just gets gradually worse throughout the week... but this week has NOT been typical in that way. I woke up in pain on Monday, and it's gradually gotten worse.
I was still planning on going to the movie, until about 4:00 this afternoon, when I realized how much it hurt to sit up in my chair at work... which meant that going to a theater to watch a four hour movie that started at 7:00 wasn't in the cards.
And, luckily, seeing GWTW wasn't on my (imaginary or otherwise) BL, because... as much as I would have loved to hear Tara's Theme in surround sound and look at a larger than life Rhett Butler on the big screen, my body needed me to ground myself to my couch tonight.
I sort of hate that I've had to break plans twice this week (and it's only Wednesday), because I'm too tired and worn down to do anything in the evening after work... but, at the same time, I'm glad I've been able to put in some extra hours at work in the last few days, because the next two days will be shorter work days, due to my medical schedule.
And I'm glad that my laundry is done, and every dish in my kitchen is clean, and that I have actual, bonafide, vacuum lines on my cheappie carpet.
And I'm glad that I don't have ABL, because it was a bitter enough pill to swallow that I couldn't see the movie in the theater tonight, because my body needed me to stay home... if I'd missed a chance to cross an item off A BUCKET LIST, I would have been truly bummed.
But since seeing that movie on the big screen was just Something I've Always Wanted To Do (and not Something I Want To Do Before I DIE), I was okay with sitting at home, watching the dvd, and typing this random post.
Sometimes, I think it's super awesome that I have this brain that's all over the place, because it helps me have Pollyanna moments in my own living room. (Other times, I just give myself a headache. But tonight, I'm happy with my DVD and glass full of tap water. And, for that, I am grateful.)