As I lie here in my bed, barely able to move, because I soooooo overdid it yesterday, I am grateful.
I am grateful for the pain in my abdomen, because it means I stood up too long and really used my nonexistent stomach muscles for WAY too long yesterday.
I am grateful for the pain in my upper back, because it means I was mobile in a way that I hadn't been in months.
I am grateful for my throbbing, swollen, feet. I'm even grateful that my heels and the balls of my feet look like I've been walking barefoot in a briar patch, because I earned all that rough and torn up skin by walking into and around no less than five stores yesterday.
Yesterday was a fabulous day. Today, I may be popping pain pills as soon as I leave my bed, and I may be smothering my shattered feet with Eucurin and then pulling socks over the mess in hopes that some high quality moisterizer will repair the damage I did yesterday... but I don't regret one single thing I did yesterday. It was like a Saturday in the old days. I was busy - and out of my house - for almost the whole day, and it was completely awesome.
I woke up at 7:00 and rolled out of bed, so I could get to Safeway before the bagels in the bakery had time to cool off and get hard. Mission accomplished.
I ran to Walmart, in search of the proboitic gummies that my sweet nurse, Michelle, had recommended I try to help my broken stomach along. (Listen, I'll try just about anything as a digestive aid. Oh, and I love gummy vitamins/supplements with a love that is fierce.)
Then I had to come home and put the yogurt and cream cheese in the fridge. (Oh, and sit down. Because I was exhausted from having to carry all my groceries around the store in my arms. ... It turns out that my OCD tendencies have crept right up. I was fine being IN a store, but I couldn't bring myself to touch a cart. Weird, I know. But I only fight the battles I know I can win, and I know my OCD brain better than to think it's worth it to push a cart around when I'm only buying bagels and carrots and cream cheese and yogurt. Oh, and half-priced Easter candy, for when I can eat sugar again. A girl can't have too many solid milk chocolate Cadbury mini-eggs in her cupboards, is what I'm saying.)
Then I went over to Tempe Marketplace and shopped until I was literally about to drop. (Trying clothes on was exhausting before I had the port, but now it's worse. That little bugger complicates my life in a myriad of ways, not the least of which is the tug I feel in my left breast whenever I pull a shirt onto or off of my body. A thing which I did repeatedly yesterday, as I was in search of lightweight winter clothes because it seems that I am no longer able to regulate my own temperature. ... Good news! I found said lightweight winter clothes on clearance, just as I had hoped I would, and paid $6 a top. I love it!) Anyway, as I was checking out at Old Navy, I realized I was about to fall down and would be lucky to make it to my car. ... But I did make it to my car, and then thought to myself that going to a movie would, most likely, be every bit as therapeautic as coming home and sitting on my couch would be, so I drove over to Harkins.
I saw Woman in Gold. It was very good. Maybe a little slow in some parts, but overall, very good. And at the end of the movie, when the house lights slowly started to come up, I just sat there, looking around at the theater full of strangers, so grateful that I could be at the movies again that I couldn't help but cry. (Dang chemo and its nutty hormonal effects. I mean, I was a crier before. But now, it's on another level.)
Then I hit Target, so I could blow a gift card on some more clothes that would fit my rapidly shrinking body. ... Mission accomplished. With a side of Target popcorn, thank you very much. (That I only ate a few handfuls of and then threw the rest away, but still. THAT was awesome!)
After stopping home to drop off my wares, eat something for dinner, and lie down for a minute, lest I broke my back, I was off again.
Next stop - Baskin Robbins for a single scoop (I really do prefer a triple scoop, but the mouth sores can't handle that much sugar), and then I sat outside and read my book until it was time to meet Charity at the movies.
We saw The Imitation Game in a super packed dollar theater, and it was awesome. One of the best movies I've seen in a long time, with one of my favorite people. After the movie, we stood in the parking lot and talked about the movie - and life - until I literally could not stand for one more minute.
I hobbled to my car, drove home and somehow drug myself up the stairs and put me to bed.
Yesterday was a long day. (Sort of like this post.) But it was awesome. (Sort of like this post? ... I kid.)
I am tired, and I am sore. My body feels more broken than it has in months, and my mouth sores are monumentally worse than they were at this time yesterday. But it was worth it. Totally and completely worth it. And if I had the energy, I'd do it all over again today!