Wednesday, December 9, 2015

The view from my couch

Those of you who've been in my teeny tiny little home know that the view from my couch is pretty great.

It really is. Even when I'm too tired to sit up straight, and my feet are too swollen to let them hang off the couch, so they're propped up, straight in front of me, the view is excellent.

Esp at sunset, with the twinkle lights of the tree reflecting in the sliding glass doors.

Moments like this help me remember that time is, actually, moving on. And that there is beauty in all of the things.

This week's been hard. About 128% harder than I'd expected it to be. It's my week off chemo, so even when I was cursed with a stomach plague over the weekend, I thought the M-F part of this week would be a chemo-and-side-effects-free breeze. Uhm... false. One of the awesome consequences of being so sick over the weekend was total loss of energy, which has been making it kind of (by which I mean: torturously) difficult to breathe. (Good news! I had a chest CT/angiogram today and there are no blood clots in my lungs. Bad news, apparently I'm not breathing so great because I'm basically feeling like crap warmed over, which, it turns out, can subsist on very short and small breaths. For days on end.)

My hair started falling out on yesterday. Not in gobs or clumps, but I'm definitely losing more hair daily than I would be without the chemo.

I'm breathing better today, but still have some sharp pains when I try to take a deep breath. Last night was, by far, the scariest it's been with chest pains. I woke up this morning with minimal discomfort when I tried to breathe. (Huzzah!) By 4:00 this afternoon, the tightness was back, but I'm nowhere near where I was Monday or Tuesday nights.

The one good thing I have to report is that I haven't taken a nausea pill in 48 hours. It's a very small thing, but... it's something that tells me that the chemo is leaving my body. Hopefully, the rest of the week will just keep perking up a bit at a time. I go back in for another round of good times on Tuesday of next week.


Genevra said...

:( I am so sorry to hear that this week has not been good for you and has been much harder than you anticipated it would be. That is scary about the chest pains and not being able to breath as well. I hope it has gotten better.

Sabrina Gardner said...

I'm sad that it has been hard on you. The view is beautiful and I'm happy you can still see beauty even though your body is hurting so much. Love you Laurie!

Superjulie said...

I love your tree lights twinkling in the window. One of my favorite memories of Christmases past was looking at the light reflections on glasses worn by family members. I love you. I also am sad that things have been this hard on you. (I love that Sabrina; she always has perfect things to say!)