Chemo's been moved from today to next Monday. The reason for this is the 24 infusion, that has to be outpatient. (Gag me with a spoon. Because the one thing that I dread more than having to have overnights in the hospital for chemo EVER AGAIN, AS LONG AS I LIVE is BRINGING CHEMO HOME WITH ME FOR A SLEEPOVER.) I'd asked if they could run it inpatient, to avoid the trauma of having a chemo bag either in or hung near my bed, but the manufacturer recommendation is to administer the drug outpatient. Which means that, unless there's another reason to admit me (and sky high anxiety doesn't count... trust me, I asked), the cancer center/hospital won't get reimbursed for the drug by my insurance company of they don't follow the recommendation to a T.
So, I'm doing a 24 infusion. Outpatient. With an IV in my arm, because the port isn't "stable enough" to do in-home chemo. .... The good times keep rolling.
And Homsi knows me well enough to know the anxiety I have about... uhm... all things needle. That, plus the fact that I'll have to return 24 hours later to have the pump removed, just moved me from a Friday start (where I'd have to go to the hospital over the weekend for both needle removal on Saturday and the Neulasta shot on Sunday) to Tuesday (where both set-up and take-down of the IV and chemo bag will take place at the cancer center, and the shot 24 hours later, will be done by staff who knows me).
It's not a perfect situation, but it got rid of my hospital anxiety. And it bought me another weekend, chemo-free. (Not that I have the energy to go anywhere or do anything weekend-specific, fun-wise. But it's five more days without the harsh side effects that come of being IN a cycle, so I'll take it.)
I've been asked if I'm freaked about yet another chemo delay. And, I won't lie. Sort of, I am. Tuesday will be three weeks, aka 21 days, aka one full chemo cycle missed since my last treatment ended. And yes, that wigs me out on some levels. The time of chemo missed could skew the results of my next scan, because that tumor is really likely to have growth in that three week period. But... the reality is that I did two rounds of treatment with a regimen that didn't work, and it's been two months since that failed attempt started. (And, let's get real. I was seriously thinking about doing two more rounds of that, just to officially rule it out as an option.) Given that perspective, five days without drugs really isn't that big of a deal.
And the time off gives me time. To think. To eat more Taco Bell. To spend time with the kids in my life, when I feel good enough to do crazy things like having another head painting party. (Be looking forward to pics of that!) To eat wings and drink soda and binge on popcorn and peanut M&M's. To sit and talk with friends, to (hopefully) finish one of my projects at the bank.
Five days isn't a big deal, but it also sorta is. And I'm choosing to think about all the stuff I can do and enjoy over a long weekend, rather than focus on what could be happening inside of me that five more days on chemo may have been able to affect.