I'm sitting here on my couch on a Sunday night, and I can't help but think... I've lived a lifetime in the last seven days.
That's the thing about being in the in-between, time drags. And it flies. And, somehow, seven days can feel like seven months. It's crazy.
On Tuesday, we walked out of Dr. H's office and sat in the waiting room (because I was too weak/tired/overwhelmed with my options to stand), so I could fill Steve in on some of the Homsi history, and he looked at me and said, "Having to delay a few days might not be the worst thing ever. You need some time off chemo."
Uhm, yeah. I did need some time off. ... I'm still tired, and my rib hurts like crazy, and I'm just awake enough to have an awareness of how bad the chemo brain really is (I seriously couldn't think of people's names at church today... scary), but man, it's been great to have another week off. (The week to go to Houston and back hardly even counts. Beyond the travel, I had a cold, and that made me miserable. This week was way better.)
Here's some of the stuff I did this week:
Had a "light" (I say that totally tongue in cheek) lunch with Steve on Monday. Mmmm... Logan's.
Went to the movies (The Peanuts Movie) and DQ with the Wood family.
Ate at Chili's. Twice. (Listen, they have wings now. And that creamy jalapeno sauce is awesome!)
Ran into work for a good 30 min, maybe 45. (And then I brought stuff home. It's not like I'm totally unproductive.)
Discovered that my mouth can tolerate the bubbles in soda again. Viva la Dr. Pepper! (I went to Fiiz with Judy and got not one, but two, 32 oz Diet DP's with coconut and cream. My total favorite!)
Spent three hours with Jo (and approx 20 min with a peanut butter and hot fudge sundae) at DQ, kidless! (That's right, DQ twice, in one week. I am the luckiest girl in the world!)
Ate Panda Express and Taco Bell and Carl's Jr. Goooooood times! (I know. I'm a 41 yr old woman who loves fast food. But seriously, it's SO good!)
The Cheesecake Factory. Chopped salad with blue cheese dressing and lemon raspberry cheesecake. It was a practically perfect day!
Kneader's turkey, bacon and avocado salad. And soup. And raspberry cream pie.
Had Ben & Jerry's for the first time since... I honestly can't remember. (My tummy doesn't love it, but my mouth does.)
I went to church. For the first time since I started chemo. .... In November. (It's funny, how much I don't love to get up and go to church on Sundays until it's a choice that I cannot make. I have missed those people, and the music, and the reason to wear a pretty dress.)
Not everything about this week was awesome. But you know what? Not everything was awful, either. The this-or-that chemo riddle was about the most frustrating thing ever. (For real. As much as I do appreciate Homsi thinking outside the box and tossing another option into the ring, honestly. That about killed me.) But it was seriously so great to spend time with people that I haven't been able to just hang out with in months. It has been fabulous to get out of my house, and go out and feel like a normal person for a few days.
Currently, I'm scheduled to go in for chemo on Friday. Which is noooooot as soon as I'd like to get that started, but what with the holiday weekend, and the fact that the pharmacist had to order the meds, since it's such a new drug and they don't have much occasion to use it, Friday is the tentative date. It's possible that they can get me in sooner, once the insurance approval comes in. But it's not for sure. As much as it makes me nervous that that'll be almost three full weeks off the juice, I mean... let's get real. It's not like what I was on before was doing anything. So, I'll take another five days of feeling semi-human.
I didn't get a whole lot of pics of the good times last week, but here are a few.
This is Jude and me at Fiiz. Please note that this was Wednesday night and I had the patchy bald thing going on. (Honestly, I hadn't ever realized how bad the patches were until I posted a pic to fb that night and then saw it enlarged on the laptop screen. Man alive, that was bad news bears!)
So... I shaved it off Thursday morning, in an effort to make myself look like less of a weirdo.
Just in time to have a conversation with Zarzour that afternoon, which led to me deciding to go with Trabectedin for my next couple rounds. Which, ironically, does not cause hair loss.
So, now I'm shaved bald and am about to start a chemo regimen that wouldn't have made me lose the few wonky hairs that I had left. Oh well, at least now, when it comes back, it'll all be same length. (And I have this sweet, domed, head for a few days. Wahoo!)
At Dairy Queen with Jo's girls Saturday afternoon. (I tried to take a selfie with all of the girls AND Rook, but my arm, frankly, isn't long enough to cram six people into the frame. They were all lousy. So, what I have is this pic that Jo took with her phone and then texted me.)
Last week was hard. But it was also awesome. Emotionally, I was all over the place... and sometimes straight up off the chart.
But I got to see Gimbel and Amanda for a second when I was at MDA on Tuesday. And I got to talk to my cousin Greg (he helped translate the PET verbiage, since neither oncologist had made that top priority). And I got to see a movie in the theater, and go out to eat a bunch of times. And Charla and Wyndie came over and chatted for hours, and Katie Harris came to visit me. I was able to spend hours this past week with girlfriends, and I haven't been able to just hang out and chat like that in months. Judy and I got to spend an entire day together when I was feeling good. Dad came down to pick Jude up for their anniversary weekend, and we got to hang out for a few hours. I got to see my work friends. I had two real, actual, out-of-my-house dates with Steve. And I stayed up past midnight one day this week, like a normal grownup.
Life is hard. I mean, really... REALLY... hard sometimes. And the last few weeks/months have (okay, the last year has) been pretty special. But I'm grateful for all of the living I was able to cram into the last week while I have been waiting for the next phase to begin.
Life is hard, but it is also awesome. And I'm really glad that I have people in my life who want eat wings and cheesecake and ice cream with me for as long as I can.