Heigh-Ho!

That's right, folks, it's come to that. ("That", being going back into the workforce.) It's been 6 weeks and 1 day since I had surgery (and I'm pleased to report that I can now sleep on my side all night long - glory be and hallelujah! - I may still struggle to lift a full gallon of milk and wearing heels makes my core feel like it's about to spontaneously combust, but at least I can lie on my side).

My advice to you: Don't ever have your abdomen cut open, specifically in a vertical line from the top of your ribcage down past your bellybutton. It may be the only way to remove certain types of tumors, but still... it hurts and the recovery is long and arduous.

My further advice to you: Don't grow a tumor. Don't. Don't even think about that. Not growing tumors will most likely save you from said surgery, which will make your blog/public journal a lot more fun for your readers. (I know that mine get a little sick of the carnage from time to time.)

So... I'm returning to work, bright and early tomorrow morning. I may even sing like I'm a dwarf. (But only because I like to say "dig" over and over and over again in a silly voice. Not because I actually work in a diamond mine.)

As some of you are aware, I had hoped to extend my medical leave to have a secondary procedure done. As a result of my previous surgery and bed-ridden-ness, I have Pilonidal Cysts (cysts on the end of my tailbone) that have become infected and need to be surgically removed. If you're the medical awareness type and would like more info on exactly what these are, click here. There aren't pictures (though I'm sure you could find them, if you're a sicko who's into that kind of thing), but there's a little write-up/explanation of what they are.

Let me just tell you - they hurt. Miserably. And the longer I was down flat on my back and/or bum from surgery, the worse they got. (Again, there are not words for how grateful I am that I can now lie on my side.)

Anyhoo... I'd hoped to have surgery this month to have them removed, then return to work in June once I was all healed up, but that was not to be. The new plan is to return to work now, and work through the second week of June, at which time I will qualify for FMLA again, then I'll go back out on a secondary medical leave and have the cyst issue remedied. (As most of you are aware, I'd exhausted by FMLA in 2010 with a similar tumor-removal procedure, and my employer, out of the goodness of their hearts, granted my initial 6 week medical leave to have surgery in March of this year. Bless them forever and ever for giving me unpaid time off work that they didn't have to give. I'm so grateful.)

I'll be working limited hours, because... uh... because I can't exactly sit for a 10 hour shift these days. Work has been incredibly gracious and understanding of my limitations, as have my insurance companies. The plan is that I'll work the next 6 weeks on a part-time basis, and then go out for approx 4 weeks to have another surgery mid-summer.

My life is a zoo. A medical zoo. By the time I have this next procedure done, I will have had 3 surgeries in 12 months. Two of them were incredibly invasive. (The third is just a little awkward. But whatever gets rid of the pain, man.) Prior to June 2010, I had never been cut open, I sure didn't have any tattoos (thank you, Radiation, for those 5 tats on my tummy), I had never taken prescription pain meds, I had never had a scar over 1/2 inch long.

Boy howdy, has the last year set some new parameters for me. I have been sicker than I would have ever thought possible. I've had to learn to live with pain that was previously unimaginable. I've learned a whole new definition of "poor" (you try not working for 3 months of the year, two years in a row and see what it does to your budget). I've had relationships change (and some die), because I wasn't well enough to put as much energy into them as I had been able to do previously. ... At the same time, I've learned that being sick doesn't mean that you have to be miserable, and that even when you're in pain you can choose to be happy. I've learned that a very small amount of money is enough, as long as I pay my tithing and use what is left for what it needful. The relationships that have withstood the test of time (and me being sick and unable to go and do) have strengthened. I am closer to my friends and family than I ever have been. Having been limited to what contact I can make by phone or by internet has brought me closer to my people than I ever was when I could pick up and go and do.

Relationships have been redefined, money has a different value to me, I am infinitely more aware of the importance of choice - because sometimes (oftentimes) the only choice any of us has is how we react to what snow cone we were given. (For the record, I would have chosen a grape snow cone. That sure isn't what I got, but it's what I would have chosen. I heart purple syrup.)

The last few months, the last year, really, has been hard. But it has also been good. I testify that the Lord really doesn't give us more than we can handle. I know this, because He has helped me handle things on a day to day basis that were previously unimaginable. I know that there is a greater measure of good than bad, in all of our lives, if we but look for it. In the face of trial and affliction, I have seen more blessings than I had ever been able to see before. I've always loved the scripture about there being opposition in all things, but I have an entirely new likening for that scripture in my life. I know that He will never let what is hard outweigh what is good. There is always an opposition, it's an eternal law. Hard things happen, but so do awesome, incredible, happy and even easy things. When I have looked for the opposition (or opposite) of what I have struggled with, I have found more light and more peace than I had ever experienced before. I have so very many blessings, in large part, because I have been so very sick.

Of course, I still recommend not growing a tumor. (Seriously. Don't do it.) But here's the thing - having grown a tumor (and then another one) changed me. I have always liked to think of myself as a happy girl, I have always tried to find the upside or funny things in life. But it wasn't until, literally, the only choice I had in how I felt was in how I let my spirit react to what my body was going through that I realized how incredible agency is, and that the Lord is always there, even in the tiny, little, otherwise unnoticeable and insignificant details. I love Him, and because of Him, I can do whatever it is that I need to do.

And this week, what I need to do is to go back to work. So I will. And it will be hard, but it will be doable. And I only have to do it for 6 weeks. I just may have to complain about my bum from time to time. (I know how much my mom loves it (heavy sarcasm there, folks) when I put really personal and sometimes gruesome details on my blog, but the thing is... no way am I the only person who has to deal with this stuff, and if it will help any one single person to know that they aren't the only person who has cysts on their tailbone, I will totally talk about it.)

So, tomorrow I'm off to work. For a nice, short, half-day. (Look at me, pep-talking myself.) And then I'm pretty sure I'll sing all the way home. Why? Because my life is a musical. (Besides, it's a fun little ditty that everyone should get stuck in their head from time to time.)