Happy New Year!

2015 was a year for the record books, but... it's over.

2015 is over. And I'm still here. 

I'm so glad.

I posted this same meme on January 1, 2015. I'd found it in a search for a new Facebook header pic. I wanted something that reflected my values (yup, I just inferred that "eat the damn chocolate cake" is a value... deal), but wasn't super New Years Resolution-y, and I found this. I loved it then, and I love it now.

And what I love, really truly love, is that I actually did most of this in 2015.

Exceptions:

- Do a cartwheel. (Insert standard broken body disclaimer here.)
- Paint each nail a different color. (But I did let little girls give me manicures, which is sort of the same thing.)
- Take a bubble bath. (If you knew the size of my bathtub, you'd understand.)
- Get on that table and dance. (Again, with the broken body. The last thing I need is to fall from a great height.)
- Pick strawberries. (But I did pick peaches and raspberries and lemons and oranges and grapes, and I think that counts. I'd have picked strawberries, too, if I'd had the option.)
- Tag a jog. (Uhm... I haven't jogged since I figured out that I didn't have to do that to get class credit in 7th grade PE. But I did take a lot of walks.)

Oh, and I didn't learn a new language.

But I ate the damn chocolate cake, and I lived. I crammed as much into this (really challenging, in so many ways) year as I justifiably could, and... and the end of the day (year), I have no regrets, no sorrows, and no disappointments.

I'm grateful for modern medicine (even as it makes me swallow my dinner, for the umpteenth time tonight). I'm grateful for doctors who have hope, for friends and family who bless and enrich my life in a myriad of ways. I'm grateful for chocolate cake, for muddy puddles, for colored pencils, for picnics and for days lived in the sun.

This year has been hard. I mean, bone-jarringly, life changingly, hard. But I am still standing. I may be leaning up against the counter, with a knee braced against the cupboard beneath me to hold me up, but I am still standing.

Here's hoping that I'll still be here, on this day, next year. And that I'll be strong enough to come out from behind the counter and stand on my own steam.

In the meanwhile, know that I love my life, even when it's hard. ( I mean, I really, really, love it. Even when it's really, really, hard.) And that I love you. Forever and always. Happy New Year!

Three things

On a day when my mouth sores hurt so badly that I don't even want to open my mouth to talk, I decided it was time to make a list of the things I'm grateful for.

Hot showers
I can still get myself out of bed
I can still get myself back into bed

That's about it.

I mean, I'm sure that, if I dug deep, I could find some more stuff to be grateful for... but I am tired and those are my three favorite things about my life right now.

Three things

Tonight, I am full to the brim with happy thoughts about the city I live in.

I'm not even kidding. ... I really am.

I'm pretty sure I could go on and on about all the stuff I love (listen, when I'm all giddy and happy, I could just about EXPLODE all over people with joy), but due to time constraints (I should have been in bed an hour ago), I'll limit this list to three things I LOVE about the city I live in.

1) Tempe Town Lake

I love it.

I mean, I LOVE IT!

I drive past the lake every day on my way to and from work. I can never decide if it's prettier with the sun on the water (as it is here) or after the sun's gone down, when the twinkle lights are on the water.

2) Whatever those yellow flowering trees are...

I love those silly yellow flowers. I have NO IDEA what kind of trees those are, but I know they're everywhere. And I love them. I love that I get yellow flower dust in my hair when I walk down the street. I love that little yellow flowers fall down into my car if I leave my window open for 30 minutes. I LOVE THEM!

And, tonight, I realized that, even in the dark, those little flowers are just... well... perfect.

3) Classic movies in the theater.

I love that I live no more than two miles away from two different theaters, and that BOTH those theaters run classic film series. Last week, when I was home visiting with Uncle John, he mentioned that he's seen The Sound of Music a dozen times - and at least half of those were in a theater. ... I countered with I HAVE NO IDEA how many times I've seen The Sound of Music, but I do know that I've seen it TWICE in a theater. (No small feat for someone of my generation, I like to think.)

I'm so grateful for the opportunities I have had to see movies that I love - movies from my childhood and adolescence - on a big screen again.

There are few things that I love like I love going to the movies, and when the movie that you're going to see is as familiar as an old glove... well, that somehow makes it even better.

Happy International Day of Happiness!

It's thing. (See? You can look it up here.)

God bless Cousin Katie for knowing such a thing and broadcasting it on the Facebook while I still had enough time in the day to consciously make time to be happy.

Not that I wasn't happy before I read the news, but still... any excuse to seek out the happy in my life is a good one!

To that end, I've whipped up a short little list of the things that are making me happy today:

Raindrops on Roses
Whiskers on Kittens
Bright copper kettles
Warm woolen mittens
Cream color ponies
Crisp apple streudels
Doorbells
Sleigh bells
Schnitzel with noodles...

JUST KIDDING! (You've got to know I cracked myself up with that...)

Here's MY real Happy List:

Books
Banana Popsicles
Banana Creamies (EVEN BETTER!)
Wheat Bagels
Red Petunias
Sam Axe
Good Friends
Laughter
Music
Raspberry Yogurt
Feather Pillows
Cadbury Eggs
Runny Fried Eggs
Airplanes
Kittens
Hugs

The list could go on and on (if you've been here before, you would know that I could make lists all day long), but I really want to sign off so I can get back to two of the top three items on my list. I have a book to finish, and one last banana Creamie in the freezer.

So, I'm going to go and be happy, doing (and eating) what I love best. Please do the same.

Places I've peed my pants

We all know about that time I peed through my pants (and filled my shoes) at the movies when I was 33. But what you may not be aware of is that this is something that's been happening for YEARS.

True story.

For years.

Here are just a few examples of when/where I've ... erm... lost control:

* The brown chair (Mom & Dad's house - High School, because I was laughing so hard at something Rhonda Daniels said when we were talking on the phone)

* My sister's bed (Christmas Eve - 2007 ... It's a good thing she doesn't read my blog, because she has no idea I totally had an accident while we were sharing her bed. Ha!)

* In my parking lot. (2006 - Now. ... I can't even tell you how many times I've peed my pants trying to make it from my car to my door, and/or on my walk home from church. ... My church, btw, is literally across the street from the complex I live in. It's not a far walk, is what I'm saying.)

* Lowe's garden center (October 2013 ... I went into the bathroom and took my panties off and wadded them up and put them in a bag inside my purse and continued shopping. ... This would be one of the perks of peeing yourself when you're wearing a dress. No one knows.)

You'll note, I am sure, that I didn't mention any prepubescent pee stories. It's not because I had a steel bladder as a child, in case you were wondering. Oh, no. I just wanted to impress you all with how wide and varied my accidents have been WHILE I'VE BEEN A GROWN UP. (And I'm sorry to say this is not all of my stories. Not by a long shot.)

I hear it's worse for women after they've been pregnant/given birth. ... It's frightening, really, to think that my "urgent bladder" issues could have been made worse by carrying a child. Thank heaven the only things I've ever grown in my belly are tumors!

I actually wrote a talk!

Sort of. (Not really.)

I can't remember if I talked about this on ye olde blog. ... I know I did on the facebook, but I can't remember if I ever mentioned it here. (Don't ever get old. Or, if you do, don't lose your memory like I have. It's not fun.) ... Anyway, I was asked to speak at the Single Adult 3rd Sunday fireside this month. (We all know that I am a public speaking junkie. We also know that I will NEVER pass up an opportunity to speak to a group of single adults, because I am what we in the industry like to call a "shameless self promoter". I will get the attention of a tall man just about any way I can, and if that means I need to get up and talk about my history with the cancer, then... so be it.) I had been asked to share some of my experience with the cancer, and speak with an overall theme of gratitude.

Check and check. Those are, pretty much, my favorite things to talk about. E-ver.

And I did something totally out of character and I wrote a talk. (Not really. More like, I made a list. Or, rather, a series of lists. We all know that I love to make lists!) First I gave some details with the initial diagnosis and the history of the surgeries... and then, in the last 15 minutes or so, I shared the following:

What I've lost:

- A kidney, my spleen, a foot of my colon and 5 cm of my diaphragm.

- My immune system.

- A ton of weight. (Most of which I've gained back, but whatever. I lost it at one point, so I'm counting it here.)

- The ability to digest bell peppers, onions, garlic and spaghetti sauce.

- The will to hold a grudge, and/or the desire throw a fit when things don't go the way I wanted them to.

What I've learned:

- Where the retroperitoneum is AND how to spell it.

- That having your spleen removed is a splenectomy, but having a kidney removed is a nephrectomy. (I'm not sure why this is. Neither Merriam-Webster nor Dictionary.com can give me a satisfactory answer as to the etymology of the word "nephrectomy". Apparently, it started showing up in medical journals between 1875-1880, with no notes as to the actual origin of the word. ... Argh.)

- All manner of information on stool softeners and laxatives: which brands work best, and how often to take them (and in what combinations) to offset the effects of narcotics.

- How to walk again. Three times.

- That more people remember me, love me, and are genuinely interested in my life than I ever could have imagined.

What I know:

- The Lord has a plan, for all of us. He has a great, wide, plan for all of His children, sure. But He also knows us as individuals, and has a specific plan that was custom-made for each one of us, to get us where He wants us to be.

- Me getting cancer, three times, was part of the plan. I know this, because with each successive diagnosis, I was changed. There were things I learned the first time around that blew my freaking mind: not the least of which is I learned what my body could go through, and still come out okay. (Not awesome, but okay.) With my second tumor, I gained a whole new appreciation for the blessings of the priesthood my life. That second round clarified how important the gospel is to me, how important family relationships and friendship really are, and it helped me learn not to take my life - or anyone in it - for granted.  And the third time around... well, there aren't words (and there isn't time) to go into everything I learned that time, so I'll narrow it down to my three biggest lessons learned in the calendar year of 2012: Love is the most powerful force on earth, prayer is real, and miracles happen.

- I know the Lord loves me. I know that He is aware of what happens in my life. I know that, even when (especially when) things are really hard, He takes care of me. I know that He has placed people in my sphere who bless and enrich my life in ways that I cannot begin to number.

- Again, I know the Lord has a plan. For each of us, He has a plan. And the cancer was part of His plan for my life. I know that. I know it as sure as I know that 1/3 of the hairs on my head are grey because of said cancer. Why I had to get sick, I may never know, but what I do know is that I would never give it back. The sleepless nights, the fear, the anxiety, the pain that I cannot begin to describe, the nerve damage and the scar tissue and the knowledge that I'll have scans for the rest of my life... I wouldn't give any of that back, because while cancer was really (REALLY) hard, it was also incredibly awesome, because it taught me about faith and life and love.

- And the most incredible thing about knowing that the Lord knows me, loves me, and has a plan for me is knowing that He also knows, loves, and has a plan for every other single person on the planet.

I testify that there is a plan, even a plan of happiness. Men are that they might have joy. Even in the midst of our trials - in the middle of the deep, dark night - the Lord knows who we are and He knows what we need. It is my belief that He wants us to be happy, to find the joy in the every day, and to celebrate every good thing in our lives.

* Yup, I talked about poop. From the pulpit. I even said the word "poop". Because it's Whitney's birthday - and because I could. (How often does an opportunity to say the phrase "poop from the pulpit" come up? I mean... I had to snatch that one right up.)

* I had no less than three people (a biology teacher, a doctor AND some sweet soul with an iPad) inform me that the word nephrectomy comes from nephrons. Apparently, that's what kidneys are made of. ... Or something like that. (I stop listening as soon as medical talk gets too graphic. Don't judge. It's a coping mechanism.)

* I had several people come up and tell me that they hadn't planned on coming, but felt like they needed to... and they were so glad they did, because that talk was for them: a cancer patient (breast cancer) and a man who's getting ready to undergo his fourth abdominal surgery in less than a year among them. That is literally what I prayed for, people - that I would say would people would need to hear. (Oh, and that I'd be funny and they would laugh. Because I so didn't want to be a boring fireside speaker. ... It happens. Sort of a lot.)

Man alive, I enjoy public speaking. But beyond the act of standing in front of a room full of people and knowing that I can make them laugh and/or cry, I love the personal connection that comes of knowing that people really heard what you had to say. I love people. I love them SO much! I'm so-so-so grateful for my life, for all of the blessings and all of the awesomeness that I enjoy on a daily basis. And tonight, I'm grateful that I had an opportunity to talk about so many of the things I am grateful for. ... If I could find a way to do this for a living, I'd do it in a heartbeat. I really would. But for now, I'll just go to bed happy that I was able to speak tonight, because I really do love it - so much.

November 22

Keep your eyes open to your mercies.

The man who forgets to be thankful has fallen asleep in life.

--Robert Louis Stevenson

Today is Thanksgiving. (I heart Thanksgiving. Big time.) In honor of the holiday, I thought I'd make a little (or maybe not-so-little) list of the things I am thankful for today:

Turkey

Fudge

Pumpkin Rolls

My nieces

Theater popcorn

My relationship with my mother

Family pictures

Holiday traditions

The kindness of strangers

The generosity of my friends

Egg Nog

Pumpkin flavored cream cheese (on a whole wheat bagel)

Technology

A multitude of cheesy Christmas movies on Netflix

My Christmas tree

A soft bed

Feather pillows

Modern Medicine

Mint M&M's

My cousins

My favorite aunt(s)

My grandparents

My nephews

The gospel

My job

The children in my life

My brothers

My sister (and sisters-in-law)

My dad

Christmas music

My car (and the radial dial radio in it)

The ability to wear heels again

The sound of Salvation Army bells

Infectious laughs and easy smiles

Really good hot chocolate

Granny's dressing

The sunrise/sunset (every day!)

Good books

Water (it is truly my favorite drink in all of the land)

Electricity

Oranges

Memories

Friendship/Relationships

Jellied cranberry sauce in a can

Bunnies and kittens

Really good Kleenex (by which I mean: Puffs, not actual Kleenex)

Tree-shaped Reese's

Honey-baked ham

Indoor plumbing and hot water

The diversion that is Nathan Fillion/Castle

Jeans (they're so warm!)

The heater (it's a steady 74+ in here, people, and I love it!)

The smell of cinnamon/cloves

This great country that I live in

My hometown

Music

Art

Words

My health (such as it is)

The ability to love and be loved

My life, every day

My goal today has been much the same as it is every other day: To have an awareness and appreciation for all of the good things and people who bless my life, to be as grateful as I can be. (Because - my goodness gracious - it is, indeed, a blessed life.) But today, because it's Thanksgiving, I let myself make a list. (You know I love them!)

I hope you also know that I love you, whoever you are, reading this. (Even more than I love a list. ... Which, if you know me at all, you know is a lot!) So very much of why I love my life is because of the love I feel from the people in it. Thank you for being part of my life, part of me.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING, Y'ALL!

*Gobble, gobble*

September 21

Do you know what I love to get in the mail?

An itemized hospital bill.

I'm not kidding. It's pretty much the Holy Grail of lists, with all those details and dollar amounts (and we all know how I do love me a good list).

Here are some fun numbers for you:

Anesthesia: $24,577.00
Pulmonary Func: $3,960.00
Sterile Supply: $11,360.70
Intermediate Care: $3,925.00
OR Services: $47,057.00
Pharmacy: $5,197.80
Urology: $220.00
Blood/Stor-Proc: $770.00

Anesthesia was worth every penny. (And would have been worth even more, I am sure, had the epidural worked!)

I'm not sure what that second charge was, but I'm pretty sure "pulmonary" means lungs and breathing is worth $4,000 to me, easy.

Sterile supply? To me, that means bandages. I have to think that means something slightly different to the hospital, because I can't imagine that it cost that much to staple, sew and bandage me back together. (And I while I will be the first to brag to the world that I came out of this last surgery with four - count them, four! - new binders, I'm quite confident that the street price for Doctor Ordered Spanx is nowhere near $4,000 apiece.)

Intermediate Care = ICU. I thought that number would be fun to include, for any of you who've ever wondered how much it cost to spend one night in the ICU.

That was the longest - and most expensive - surgery I hope to ever have. Amen.

I. Heart. Drugs. (Interestingly enough, there's a separate charge titled drugs/detail code. I'm happy to pay for pain pills any and every way they want to charge me. Not a problem.)

Yup. Urology. ... I can only assume this is the infamous pregnancy test that I am required to take each and every time I'm admitted. They can never take my word for it when I say, "Seriously. There is NO WAY that I am pregnant." Oh, well. At least it was cheaper than processing/storing blood, whatever that means. (I literally just gagged, thinking about it.)

And would you like to know what else I love?

Insurance.

As much as I may murmur and mumble under my breath about how "the out-of-pocket maximum is so NOT the literal maximum you'll ever pay out of your own pocket", I am grateful for insurance. So, so, soooooo grateful for insurance, because there is no way I could have ever paid the full bill on my own.

Especially when this is what I'm bringing home these days:

Yup. That is my most recent paycheck. Hilarious, no? I literally laughed - OUT LOUD - when I saw that paystub.

In defense of my piddly check, that pay period included Labor Day weekend (read: the Utah excursion), so I was out for the five day weekend. Between working reduced hours and not working for three of ten days in a pay period, that check was pretty pathetic.

The one (and I do mean one) upside of going back to work full time will be bringing home a full 80 hour check again. In the meanwhile, I'm just gonna focus on being grateful that I have insurance that cut a very (VERY!) considerable chunk of that hospital bill for me.

Five Movies That Remind Me Who I Am

Is anyone else finding themselves a little obsessed with The Pioneer Woman's new entertainment tab? ... Because I sure am.

Probably because I live for movies (and who's kidding who, tv on dvd, too), this section of her site is my new best friend.

And this post especially resonated with me. ... Call me crazy, but I must say that when I see a post titled "When Movies Remind Us Who We Are", it speaks to my very soul. I read this post earlier this week (like, you know, the day it was written, because that's the kind of blog stalker I am), and I've been thinking all week about movies. Specifically, about movies that define periods in my life, and people in my life. Here is my list of five movies that remind me who I am.



Such a surprise that this is the first movie on my list, right? I know, I know. I'm soooo predictable! But listen, this movie is the best! For so very many reasons. It's based on a true story. Real people who stood up for what they believed in and left their homeland in hope of a better life elsewhere. (What's not glorious about that?) Also, Edelweiss is one of the most beautiful songs of all time. Amen.

Ways in which this movie defines my life:

When the Taylor church was condemned (before my boy James bought it and turned it into his studio), the old chapel curtains were left there to rot. When Jamie & Co came in to restore the building, they had no use for drapes that had been left in a semi-open building for YEARS. But I did. I wanted to make play clothes out of them, so my sweet mother went to the church and came back with yards and yards of drapery for just such a dress. (Too bad we had to throw them out because we couldn't figure out how to clean them before we could sew. But still, that I wanted "play clothes" out of drapery leads directly back to a childhood influenced by Fraulein Maria.)

I knew what flibbertigibbet meant at a very young age. (Vocab has always been a big deal to me.)

When Molly Sanchez got married, a bunch of us from BYU 3rd ward rode up to Logan together for the sealing/reception. That night, after the party was over, Julie and I twirled on the hill and then ran skipping down it. One of our friends commented on how I thought life was a musical. Darn tootin, I did! (And I still do.) And this movie is so much of why I think it's important to dance and sing your way through life. Maria was the queen of finding ways to incorporate music into the mundane and make life fun. I heart her (and that goatherd puppet show)!



I love this movie. For oh, so very many reasons.

1) It's one of the most quotable movies of all time. "These mashed potatoes are so creamy." "Do I like jello?" "Caesar Romero wasn't tall!"

2) I soooo relate to Lucy and her unfortunate situation. (No kidding, before I saw this movie myself, I had two different friends tell me that I had to see it, because the train track situation followed by the hospital "I was going to marry him" scene, leading to his family thinking they were engaged and her not being able to tell them the truth because she was afraid she'd kill grandma is EXACTLY the kind of thing that would happen to me.)

3) When this movie came out, one of my best friends was in Chicago on a mission for our church. I hadn't seen him, or even talked to him, in over a year and I missed him like crazy! Watching a movie set in Chicago, seeing the train and Lake Michigan and other touristy spots throughout the movie, things and places that I had seen in the pictures he had sent home, helped me miss him less. I remember walking out of that theater feeling closer to him than I had in months. I still remember that feeling, how I felt more at peace with the distance and knew we were still friends, even if things weren't the same as they had been when we were younger. Cheesy? Maybe. But it was a real sensation. It's been 15 years or so, but I still remember that feeling as I walked out of the theater.



Again, one of the most quotable movies of all time. "That's MY beauty spot!" "Fancy meeting you here, Judith Tremaine." "To think we were against you in the late war..."

I grew up watching this movie. I remember dancing the Tapioca (or trying to, anyway) with my cousins when we were kids. At the time, I had no idea what white slavery was, but I knew that Mrs. Meers and her henchmen were up to no good with that fake soy sauce.

I had a crush on a boy named Jim once and I would sing the "Jimmy, oh Jimmy" song to myself all the livelong day.

Some of my dearest friendships have been made with folk who know (and quote) this movie as well (and often) as I do. ... I'll never forget the day at the bank when I inadvertently quoted TMM (as anyone who knows me - and the movie - know I am wont to do) and two of the tellers surprised me by throwing lines right back at me. I tell you, I learned a long time ago that if someone knows and loves Millie, they're kindred spirits and the sky's the limit as far as friendship goes! (Don't mind me throwing in one more movie reference there. I can't help it, I get it from my mother's side of the family. ... Okay, okay, I'll stop. But just know that I'm cracking myself up over here.)

If I want a guaranteed laugh, all I have to do is throw this movie in the dvd player and I'm good to go!



Oh, how I love this movie! And the beauty is that it takes place over an entire 12 months, and there are songs for every holiday, so I can justify watching it any time of the year. This, my friends, is NOT "just another Christmas movie"!

When I was growing up, I loooooved this movie, but *sigh* we didn't have it. Whenever I was sick, I'd have my mom call Lorraine Solomon to borrow it so I could lie on the couch and veg to Bing and Fred.

I'd make Valentine's Day cookies when I was in high school and sing "Be careful, it's my heart" to myself as I'd frost heart-shaped cookies with pink icing.

For years, I have been looking for a good recording of the 4th of July song that's in this movie. All the time, I sing "On this day of Independence, on this Independence Day" to myself and then giggle at what a fun play on words that is.

This movie was the debut of the song White Christmas, and it's my favorite version/recording of it - ever. When Bing hits the bells on the tree with his pipe, my heart just sings.



Because my mother raised me to love a good con.

It is true. My sweet, angelic mother looooooves a con. The intricacy of the foil. The finding of a mark and the playing of that person (esp if they deserve it, a la Terry Benedict) is a thing of beauty. My mother taught me many things; how to appreciate a con is one of the most fun (and surprising, if you know her) things that I learned from her.

Somewhere in my heart there is a deep dark spot that wishes I could get away with something like a triple casino heist. Or maybe I just wish I knew a guy like Danny Ocean. Tomato/tomahto.

Honorable mentions (because we all know that I could have listed umpteen movies here):

The original Parent Trap (My whole life, I've wanted to cut the back out of some snotty girl's dress).

Random Harvest (What would you do if the person you loved couldn't remember you? Would you walk away, move on? Or would you find a way to be with them, even if you couldn't be "with" them? ... Thank heaven I've never loved an amnesiac, I don't know what I'd do!)

You've Got Mail (Because who loves Joe Fox? I do, even if he does take the caviar that's supposed to be a garnish. I can't help myself.)

Rebecca (Mrs. Danvers is the epitome of all that is deranged and lunatic. When I was a kid, I would get her and Rochester's first wife confused in my head all the time. ... All I knew is that only crazy women burned houses down and I wanted nothing to do with them. Amen.)

GWTW (Rhett Butler. Need I say more?)

Mrs. Miniver (Probably the first WWII movie I saw that really struck a chord with me. I was a teenager the first time I saw it. Every time I even THINK about that movie, I am filled with a sense of loss and an appreciation for everything that generation sacrificed during the war.)

The Fighting Sullivans (I can't even type the name without choking up. What this movie does to me is the equivalent of Mrs. Miniver squared.)

An Ideal Husband (Oscar Wilde was a freaking genius! The language/dialogue in this movie is to die for. Lord Goring makes me laugh OUT LOUD, and I find myself quoting him on a fairly regular basis. "I always pass on good advice. It is the only sensible thing to do with it." HA!)

The Dark Knight (I know, I know. It's super dark, and this is not a movie most people would put on a list of defining movies. But I looooove Batman! I always have, but I esp love how, in this movie, he lets people think he's the bad guy ... because they need to be able to draw a line between good and bad/light and dark, and it would destroy a city if they knew that their white knight had fallen. That he takes the hit for something he didn't do, in order to allow a city full of people to continue to believe in an ideal is beautiful to me.)

Where the Red Fern Grows (I do love a good coming-of-age story, and this is probably the best ever written. I used to ask to rent this movie whenever I'd get free Rent-a-Flik coupons at school. ... And I'm not even a dog person!)

Why I'm not married

There are a lot of theories out there for why I’m not married. Some that I’ve heard:

I am selfish. (This from Jeff West, my mother and most recently some General Authorities of the church in the April 2011 GC address. I’m pretty sure my mom’s mocking Jeff when she says it, I’m not sure about the GA’s.)

I look for offense rather than love. (This from Bryan with a Y (not to be confused with Brian I, Brian II and/or Brian III) – the crazy man who spiraled quickly and violently when I was unable to respond to a series of texts he sent after 10:30 PM (I was asleep when they came in) and he cited this quality as the reason I’d die alone in two texts and one voicemail … Yeah, the second date was quickly and brutally broken the following morning when I woke up to umpteen texts, 7 missed calls and 5 semi-hysterical voice mails from the man. Bless him.)

I don’t want to get married and/or have children. (This from a couple sweet sisters from my current and past wards. How adorable are they for assuming the only reason in the world I wouldn’t have gotten married at the ripe old age of 21 was because I didn’t want a family? … Not the reason, folks, but thanks for thinking that I’d be married if I just wanted to be.)

I don’t wash my face at night before I go to bed. (I heard this for the first time almost 15 years ago. You’d think by now I’d be all about washing my face, just in case that turned the tides, but no.)

I'm too good for what's out there. (This from both Rhonda Hancock and Liz Roberts. ... Out of the mouths of two or more witnesses, or however that goes, is what I have to say about this theory.)

I always have candy. (This from my nephews, ages 5 and 7. I don’t really get the correlation between being the super cool aunt with the ever-present candy bowl and not having a husband, but for some reason I am “The one with the candy – the one who’s not married” to them.)

I’ve never loved any man as much as I love my independence. (This from Clint Horn. What can I say? Too bad that relationship didn’t go long term (or end well, frankly), because - on a lot of levels - that man really got me.)

All interesting (if not downright creative) reasons for why I’m still not married at 36. And all of them, on some level and at some point, probably have some truth to them. But I don’t think any one of those reasons can cover the blanket reason for why I think I’m still single.

What do I think is the blanket reason, you ask? Well, I’ll tell you.

Okay, I'll show you (that's probably easier):



That’s right, Atticus Finch.

Atticus Finch is the reason I’m still single. He’s tall. He’s dreamy (esp when played by Gregory Peck, and in my mind’s eye, he always is!). He’s super smart. He’s the best shot in the county, but he’ll only pick up a gun when there’s a mad dog threatening his kids. He’s principled. He’s honest. He is kind. He is good. He is fair. He’s a good neighbor (an incredible neighbor, really, to everyone on his street, but esp to Mrs. Dubose and Boo). He’s a lawyer and a single father and pretty darn good at both.

I love him.

And there you have it – the reason I’m not married, according to me. It’s the thought of Atticus Finch. So what if he’s a fictional character? For me, he represents all that is good and honorable – and until I find someone who reminds me of Atticus on at least 6 different character points, I’ll stay single, thanks.

Today's Top 10

The Top 10 Reasons Why I Love Being at Home:

10. Sleeping with the window open
9. The combined sounds of crickets chirping and ball games at night
8. Bits' slices
7. Night is black (and my parents live on one of the best lit streets on town)
6. Trapper's pie is only a phone call away
5. There are 4 cartons of ice cream in the freezer at any given time
4. I can't leave the house without running into people I know (and love!)
3. Chips and salsa is a valid (and popular) meal choice
2. Quoting movies with Mom and Dad
1. Barns

I'm not even kidding. I love barns. I love the old wood, the history, the falling-down-ness of them (and that the owners just kind of let them fall apart instead of tearing them down and rebuilding, there's something beautiful in that),



This is one of my favorites. Check out the wood jointing. Isn't that beautiful? I've loved this barn my whole life, and it seriously only gets better with age. ... The way the sky shows through the slats in the ceiling, where the roof has fallen? Gorgeous!

I love being home!

I think I'll go have some ice cream now. (Blue Bell's Summer Berries is the latest, and possibly greatest, love of my life.)

Stuff I love-love-love

It's Valentine's Day, so I thought I'd make a list of the things that I love in my life. Why? Because it's always fun for me to make a list. And it's Valentine's Day. So, there.

I loooove...

Kit-Kats
Oranges
Good books
Blue cheese
You've Got Mail
Banana popsicles
Julie's cinnamon rolls
My favorite aunt
My sister
My parents
My brothers, and their families
Kazoozles
Wheat Thins
Symphonies (the candy bar AND the musicians)
Cotton candy
Winter grass
Musicals
Fleecey throws
A good bra
My friends
My cousins
Lillies
Daffodils and tulips
Blaring trumpets in a big band
A ticking clock
Holding a baby
The smell of baking bread
Clean sheets
Fingernail polish
Grape juice
Ben & Jerry's
Sunshine
The sound of running water
Red smudges on my fingers from eating raspberries out of a bowl

And so many other things. And people. Like you. Whoever you are, reading this.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Love, Me

I'm grateful

For lots of things. 'Tis the season for that sort of thing, so I thought I'd make a list. (You know that I am a lover of lists. Any excuse to make one is good enough for me!)

I'm grateful for:

Aunt Marie (Callendar's) Razzleberry Pie

Potatoes and Gravy

Good Books

Fabulous Friends

Modern Medicine

European Chocolate

Cousins

My Siblings

Extra Blankets

New Hairspray

A Cancer-Free CT Scan

New Kittens (that don't live at my house)

Christmas Lights

Hot Chocolate

Sunday Dinner

Hugs and Kisses

Babies

Girlfriends

Movies

Popcorn

The Gospel

Faith

Prayer

My Health

Parents

The George Foreman Grill

Betty Crocker Mini-Delight Chocolate Cakes

Freedom

Dictionary.com

PW's Short Ribs Recipe

Roasted Almonds

Cinnamon Rolls

Facebook

The Red Velour Robe

Arm & Hammer Toothpaste

Mom's Homemade Bread

My Laugh (because it reminds me of my mom on a daily, and sometimes hourly, basis)

The Cloud Bed

The Examples of My Friends

A Girl Named Zippy (best book ever - if you haven't read it, fix that in your life!)

Microwave Popcorn

Ibuprofen

Tylenol PM

Stool Softener (yeah, still... don't judge)

Cream (both heavy and whipped)

Shredded Wheat

Pain-free Days

The Ability to Roll and/or Bend Over

Having Sufficient Stomach Muscles to Wear Heels Again

Extra Pillows

Rain

Turkey and Cranberry Sauce (the kind from a can - delish!)

Warm Chocolate Chip Cookies

My Nieces and Nephews

My Testimony

My People

My Life

For all of this and more, I am grateful.

The End.

Food, glorious food!

I've been singing this song all week. I'm not even kidding you. I've been singing it in my head, in my kitchen, in Jo's kitchen, in my car (gosh, it's good to be able to eat Taco Bell again - don't judge), at work. I'm telling you, this has been the theme song of my life this week.

After 3 months of having Cream of Wheat for at least one meal a day, I'm telling you... I was a little sick of gruel. ... Not that I really think Cream of Wheat is gruel. I actually find it delicious and enjoyable. But it is a little gruel-ish, if you think about it (plus that's a nice visual to go along with the song, you must admit). Anyway, I was beyond ready for solid food.

I've been experimenting with food for just over a week now, trying this and that to see how my stomach will react and I'm pleased to tell you that I can handle just about anything these days (as long as I have my friends Pepcid, Gas-X, Tums and Rolaids handy). As we all know I am a lover of making lists, here's a little show-and-tell listing what I've eaten (and rejoiced over) this week:

*Chips and salsa (and what a glorious reunion it was!)
*Tacos (with equal portions of meat, cheese and salsa - delish!)
*Peaches (I literally gave thanks to God that I was able to sneak in on the end of peach season ... you can't beat a good peach!)
*Hawaiian Haystacks (with cheese and tomatoes and green onions - it was a dream come true!)
*Hot fudge milkshake (Bless (my favorite aunt) Cindy for teaching me about the difference in hot fudge and chocolate shakes, lo those many years ago at Ripples.)
*Taco Bell bean burrito, with extra red sauce and sour cream (it was a little bit o' heaven wrapped up in a flour tortilla, I tell you)
*Lemon cake (and the angels sang)
*M&M's. Lots and lots of M&M's.
*Guacamole. Taquitos covered in guacamole.
*Salad Olive Garden's all-you-can-eat salad, to be precise. Oh. My. Word. It was the best thing I've ever eaten in my life.
*Spaghetti (I can't tell you how I've craved spaghetti for the last 3 weeks.)
*Mama Spinato's Fresh Spinach calzone. (If you've never eaten there, go now. I mean, N-O-W. And order this calzone. It will make you swoon. Also, you'll get strong, like Popeye.)
*Texas Sheetcake
*Green beans
*Carrots. Lots and lots of carrots. (I think I may have eaten more carrots than M&M's this week, and that's A LOT.)
*Cucumbers
*Hot wings
*Sonic's Lemon Cream Slush (I can't tell you how happy I was to be able to get in on the half price cream slushes. Delish!)
*Shredded Wheat
*Raspberries
*Goat cheese and crackers

I tell you, it's been a good week. Food is good. I mean, it is so good. I'd remembered that I loved chips and salsa, and I knew I liked spaghetti (A LOT), but when you've gone months and months without the really good stuff, and then you can eat it again... Holy moly, food is good.

So, I have been singing.


Oh, food! Magical food! Wonderful food! Marvelous food! Heavenly food! Beautiful, glorious food!

Amen.

Stuff that makes me gag

Lately everything and its dog is making me gag. Seriously. Everything. (Or almost everything, anyway.) So, I thought I'd make a list of all the things that have made me gag (literally) in the last few days. (You know how much I like to make lists, right?)

Soppy wet mud (blech)
The smell of garlic (specifically, the smell of garlic on someone's breath)
Pictures of food (no more PW Cooks for me...)
The lines on the road (the freeway is especially bad)
The smell of tomato soup/spaghetti sauce
Both the sound and smell of hamburger cooking
Sayid slitting the Samurai's throat
Stinky diapers
Wilty Sunflowers
Tempe Town Lake - in its current empty state (all that mud - gag)
The smell of french fries
Sliced ham
Green grapes
Lemonade
Ibuprofen (sadly, I heave every time I swallow pills these days)
Greasy hair
Really cold water
Hot chocolate
The sound of egg shells breaking
The smell of my deodorant (TMI? Sorry)
Season 6 Claire's hair (blech)
The sound of the water splashing in the pool
Bending over and picking stuff up off the floor
The constant burping
Thinking about eating cheese - ever again
Accidentally seeing a bruise (I try not to look at them)
Waking up
Trying to go to sleep
Radiation

Now that I think about it, I'm pretty sure it's really just the radiation that's making me want to heave at all moments. Seriously, that poison that they're shooting at my guts every day is about to do me in. I so hate having a queasy stomach. (But at least the Zofran keeps me from actually puking. I have that to be grateful for. ... God bless Zofran, and the doctor who gave it to me. Amen.)

Eat, Drink and be Merry

Because tomorrow the cancer (and, unfortunately, a lot of other, healthy, cells) will die.

Yup, tomorrow - August 2nd - I start radiation treatments.

I'm kind of excited to get the show on the road and go to the next phase of fighting this stupid disease, but I'm kind of nervous, too. Not that the treatments themselves will be hard, or painful. They won't be. It's the side and after effects that are freaking me the heck out. Not to mention the diet. At this point, I think the diet suggestions/requirements may kill my spirit before the radiation kills the cancer. Honestly. When I told my brother, Spencer, what I wasn't allowed to eat, his reply was "That's like a 6 week straight Fast Sunday!". No freaking kidding, Roon.

On the list of food that I am not to eat, lest my possible (I think the word there is supposed to be "probable", but I'm gonna think positive and go with "possible") digestive issues overcome me:

Caffeine (This, obviously, includes soda - which isn't too big of a deal, as I haven't been able to drink a respectable amount of Coca Cola since surgery. I tell you, those doctors did something to my body when they cut me open and took out Darth Vader. I can't drink more than 10 sips of carbonated beverage before I'm uncomfortably full. It's tragic. ... And while we're discussing tragedies, let me just tell you that the cancer book also spelled out that chocolate is on the list of forbidden caffeinated goodness. Oh, the horror. No chocolate, until mid-September, at best. I think I may just shrivel up and die right now.)

Spicy Foods (Yeah, salsa. It is now forbidden. There goes one of my all time favorite food groups. My favorite go-to snack/meal of chips and salsa has been taken off the table - literally. And so much for tacos loaded with sour cream and cheese, dripping salsa. They are the trifecta of food sins while on the radiation diet.)

Which brings me to... (hold your breath, this is so horrible)

Dairy. (Yup, no dairy. Not only am I forbidden tacos with sour cream, cheese and salsa, I have to strike cream cheese, yogurt and ... it pains me to type it ... ice cream from my diet. Oh, and milk. Not that that, alone, is such a major loss. I never drink the stuff - unless it has chocolate in it, and we all know that's against the rules right now.)

Fiber. (Which is ironic, considering I've been eating fiber rich foods like they're going out of style for the last 6 weeks. I can only imagine the shock my body's going to go through when I stop eating Wheat Chex and fresh fruit every day. - But seriously, no fiber. Raw fruits and vegetables are listed specifically as food I need to stay away from. So are whole wheat bread and cereal, perish the thought.)

Fries. (Or hamburgers or any other fried or fast food. So much for going to Red Robin for a half a cobb salad with a side of steak fries and poppy seed dressing. So much for the drive-thru treat that is Wendy's Bacon & Blue. No more Panda. My life is over.)

On the upside, here's what I can eat:

Clear broth (chicken or beef ... ooh-la-la, I have options)
Cranberry or grape juice
Fruit punch
Gatorade (right - as if)
Water
Boiled Potatoes
Chicken (broiled or baked ... chicken, two different ways, fancy)
Crackers
Cream of Wheat
Noodles
Oatmeal (I'd rather drink Gatorade)
Pretzels
Rice
Toast
Angel food cake
Canned peaches
Jello
Sherbet (which is sorta like ice cream ... sorta)

Awesome, right? The good news is that I like chicken. And I enjoy Cream of Wheat. And noodles. And pretzels. And Jello. And Sherbet. Also, in the world I live in, boiled potatoes = mashed potatoes. (Now I just need to figure out how to make them delicious without the use of butter, cream, cream cheese and/or sour cream, since those are all forbidden. Hmmm...)

Needless to say, ever since I read the lovely pamphlet that outlined my diet do's & don't for the next few weeks, I've been binging. I mean... I have been binging. Why? Because I had four cartons of ice cream in my freezer that I refused to donate to the children in my life. (It was high dollar stuff people, not the kind of cheap ice cream that should be fed to the young.) Also, I had a lot of fiber-rich food that needed to be eaten. Oh, and some other stuff that sounded so good that I had to have it before The Day of Reckoning came.

Yes, what I'm telling you is that I went and picked up a to-go order of chips & salsa from Chili's. I ate the entire bag of chips (and pint of salsa) in two sittings. Go ahead and judge me, I won't care. It was delicious - and I won't be able to eat salsa again for a really long time.

This weekend, I've been living on a steady diet of:

Licorice
FiberOne bars
Salad
Peaches
Strawberries
Blueberries
Chips & Salsa
Cucumber and Tomato Sandwiches (on whole wheat bread)
Ice Cream
Cheese (Havarti, Swiss, Feta, Blue and String)
Popcorn
Orange Juice
My weight in chocolate

And... that's about it. I tell you, "Eat, Drink and be Merry" has been my mantra for the past four days. So what if I have a pretty constant state of indigestion going on? So what if I've had to treat two different tops for salsa spills, lest they turn into stains? So what if I don't even like Dreyer's Rocky Road anymore, because I've eaten too much of it in too little time? So what?

I ate, I drank, and I have made merry.

And tomorrow some cancer cells are gonna die.

Oh, the things you use your stomach muscles for...

As we all know, I am a lover of lists. And this one has been going strong (in my head, anyway) for a few weeks. So, I thought I'd share it with you - in part, because it's informational, but mostly because it cracks me the heck up, some of the stuff I can't do because it makes my bellybutton hurt.

So, having recently suffered a 13 inch incision in my abdomen that has rendered my stomach muscles totally non-existent, here are a list of things that I cannot do.

The list of things that are not surprising:

Laughing, crying, coughing, sneezing (I feel like I just listed 4 of the 7 dwarfs - ha!)

Bending or twisting at the waist

Lifting anything heavier than a gallon of milk (or a half a bag of ice, I've found)

Tying my own shoes

Putting on a bra that fastens in the back

Sleeping on my side

Lying down and/or getting out of bed. Period. (It's horrible and, by far, the hardest thing I have to do all day long.)

Driving a car

Driving one of those super cool motorized car/carts at the WalMart

Pulling open a car door - whether it's to get in, or shut it after I'm in

Blow drying my hair (still not an option at this point in time, so I'm a total frizz ball)

Putting my own tennis balls on the back of Ye Olde Walker

The list of things that are surprising and a bit of a crack up:

Twisting open a shampoo bottle

Turning on the water in the shower

Twisting the neck of the faucet in the kitchen sink to move the water stream

Getting a pan of cake - or bacon - out of the oven (but I suffer because I want the food, dangit!)

Wearing shoes that have any kind of heel/elevation to them

Stirring a pan of anything - including scrambled eggs - on the stove

Replacing the toilet paper roll

*Opening the silverware drawer

Reading a hardback book (paperbacks are fine, but a hardback, bound book is too heavy)

Walking without something to hold on to (for weeks, I had to hold my arms out - down, but straight out at the side with my fingers outstretched whenever I walked sans walker, so I could balance - I tell you, I looked like a really tall toddler who'd just learned how to walk)

Riding in a car (gravity pulls your body when the car turns and without a core to stabilize the bod, turning corners has been agony)

Opening a Ziploc brand baggie (they're tougher than you'd think, man)

Folding a towel

Putting a pillow case on a pillow (excruciating)

Cutting meat, like on a plate with my dinner (how nuts is that?)

Turning a key in a lock, as well as opening the deadbolt from inside my apartment

And... I'm sorry to have to say it... trimming and/or repainting my toenails (the perfect excuse to go for a pedicure, methinks - if only I could drive myself somewhere to get one)

And there's a lot more where that comes from. On a daily basis, I do something that makes me twinge and I think "Who'd have thought you'd use stomach muscles for that?". It's been an eye-opening (and stomach wrenching) experience, I tell you. The hardest thing has been that I want to laugh when I find something new/surprising that makes me hurt - but laughing makes me hurt, so I have to abstain.

Seriously, this surgery recovery period has been full of surprises - abdominal and otherwise. The good news? When I know I'm going to do something hard (like go on a walk or take food out of the oven), I can put on my binder (what Jenni lovingly referred to as "doctor issued Spanx" when she was here), and then I have support/fake stomach muscles so I can do what would otherwise be impossible. Who'd have thought that a big elastic belt could do so much to hold a body together? That binder is a blessing. I'd be dead in the water without it!

*This reminded me of a story. A couple weeks ago, I'd summoned JP to come and perform some manly duties at my apartment (I needed the fridge moved, among other things that neither my mom or I were strong enough to handle). When he was here, we were in the kitchen and I needed to open the silverware drawer to get something. I winced in obvious pain and he asked if I was alright. I responded that I was fine, but "Who knew you used stomach muscles to open drawers?!". Totally deadpan, he said "It looks like you have a new workout, once you're up to it". Right, like anyone could ever get totally ripped by opening/closing/opening a silverware drawer. Ha!

I love...

Raindrops on roses, and whiskers on kittens.

Oh, wait. Those are a few of my favorite things, and this is a list of things that I love. Hmmph. It appears that I got off on the wrong foot. Let me start over.

I love...

Banana popsicles.

Rainy days.

Fudge (with walnuts or without).

The smell of bread baking.

Singing at the top of my lungs.

My nephews.

The beach.

A good book.

Richard Castle.

The sound of glass shattering.

Sappy movies.

My cousins.

The smell at Disneyland.

Buttery popcorn.

DQ blizzards.

My brothers.

Gone With The Wind.

Peach pie.

The smell of freshly mowed (mown?) grass.

Happy endings.

Brass instruments (I heart the big band era),

My sister.

Double-stuffed Oreos.

Crunchy Cheetos.

McDonald's Coke mix.

The feel of the wind in my hair.

My nieces.

Freshly painted nails (both fingers and toes).

Chocolate cake.

The feeling of knowing I'm in the right place at the right time.

TMM (Thoroughly Modern Millie and The Music Man, both).

My recliner.

My friends' kids.

The smell of a new book.

The smell of an old book.

My parents.

Happy memories.

Fall leaves.

Spring flowers.

Laughing until I cry.

The Original Pancake House (or whatever its real name is).

Julie's cinnamon rolls.

Roadtrips.

Short flights.

My people, be they family or friends, recent or long-time.

A good talk.

A good cry.

The scriptures.

Classic VW Bugs (I so want one).

Personalized ringtones.

The Sound of Music.

Good hair days.

The Gospel (and friends from church).

The great country of ours.

Music

Turbulence.

Making lists.

You've Got Mail (the movie - I do also, however, love mail).

The BBQ sauce at Trapper's.

The smell of honeysuckle.

Really good guacamole.

Lilac bushes, (esp the big bushy tree-like kind).

Dove dark chocolate.

My grandparents.

My aunts and uncles.

My family, both genetic and not-so-genetic.

Long showers.

Heavy quilts.

Deep fried sandwiches (Monte Cristo, I love you so).

Quiet, peaceful moments.

Good stories, told well - both written and verbal.

My friends.

My life.

I was thinking, and it turns out... I have a lot of love in my life. Love for simple things, like quiet days and peaceful feelings. Love for easy, attainable, easy-to-get-my-hands-on stuff, like banana popsicles and chocolate cake. But what I love most, who I love most, are my people - my friends and my family (basically, you - whoever you are, reading this). Good gravy, for a single woman with no apparent prospects on the horizon, I sure have a lot of love in my life. And for that, I thank you all.

Happy Valentine's Day. I love you!

FFA: The Top 20

The Top 20 Things You'll NEVER Hear Me Say:

20. I hate stinky cheese.
19. Mmmmm... Carrot cake.
18. I look great in yellow!
17. My favorite pie? Cherry, hands down.
16. Please tickle me... please.
15. Could you pass me the okra?
14. I love gory movies!
13. Jack Weyland is my favorite author!
12. The red jellybeans are my fav.
11. I'm a dog person.
10. Growing up, I wished I had more brothers.
9. I heart water sports.
8. My dream job is to be a dental hygienist.
7. I dig short guys.
6. My favorite day of the week? Monday, of course!
5. Oatmeal is the best!
4. I've always wanted to be a waitress...
3. My dream vacation? Safari.
2. I love to workout.
1. Yup, Lori. That's my name.

Photo Tag

Here's a fun little tag... Some of these are gonna be painfully obvious (glaring, really)... while there are others that, hopefully, I've been able to find a pic that'll make you have to think as to the answer. It was a lot of fun, so if any of you folks want to play along, feel free.

My name:

My age:

My(hehehe) maiden name:

My favorite object:

Place I would like to visit: My first job:

My current job:A bad habit of mine:
Where I was born:
Where I live now:

My favorite food:

my other fav food (...don't judge... it'd be like asking one of you which was your fav child... it can't be done)

My fav color: My grandmothers' names:


My best friend's nickname: My college degree (I tried to google images for Randy Webb... this is as close as I could get):