I'm pretty sure we all know it:
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.
But does anyone else ever have a day when it is literally the only thing that holds them together? As in, that little prayer is the glue that keeps you from having a high-speed-come-apart?
"God grant me the courage to change the things I can"
This has been my mantra today.
It's been an odd day, comprised of felicitous surprises, conversations with dear friends, plans made for later in the year when (I hope!) I'll be feeling much better - balanced against an accidental sitting down full-force on the couch (insert expletives here), realizing the spaghetti sauce I'd had stored in the fridge had gone South (when all I wanted to eat in all the world was a big plate of spaghetti), digging through literally five different piles of medical forms to research dates of service and insurance pay-outs (again).
At about 2:45 this afternoon, I fell down (onto my side, not my bum this time) into my bed and cried. Some days ... it's just too much. (Also, I'm stepping down from a high powered narcotic to a mid-level drug today. This probably had a lot to do with my emotional runninng of the gamut and subsequent fall apart.) I took a look at the clock on the all, buried my face in my pillow, and gave myself 'til 3:00 to lie there and wallow in my pain, both literal and emotional, and then pick myself up and control what I could control.
And control, I did. Almost everything that came my way after that. (Thank heaven.)
At 10:00 PM, as I take my last dose of pain pills for the day, I am grateful that this particular Thursday is behind me. It wasn't necessarily a bad day. In fact, on a lot of levels, it was fantastic - but it was intense - and there were things that were hard. I'm grateful for the perspective that The Serenity Prayer gives me, for the empowerment that comes with changing those things that I can change.
And I'm grateful for Ativan. Because it helps me let go of the stuff that I can't change.
Amen.
3 comments:
Oh, yes. I have indeed had such days. "God grant me the serenity. . ." Serenity. I love that word. That word, and the word "peace." "Peace that passeth understanding." Oh, yeah. Hang in there, sweetie. You are loved.
Oh Laurie, I love you. I'm so sorry it was a day of extremes, but I'm so happy for the gift that Ativan has been for you during this time. I love that little prayer, especially the last line, "and wisdom to know the difference". Thank you so much for sharing with the blogworld at large, and letting us journey with you and send you lots of love and prayers. I love you!
I wish I had something really profound and supportive to say, but I can't think of anything better than what you've already said - with your honest description of the highs and lows that you've experienced this year! Wish I was near enough to give you a HUGE hug and you really do need to come visit England next spring to see all the daffodils and celebrate with real English chocolate! :)
Love you, Cuz!
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