Machines & Me... Never a Good Combination

Yeah, so... I'm bad with machines. I mean, B-A-D. For those of you who don't know how NOT technologically savvy I am, let me give you a couple examples.

1) I spent an hour a couple weeks ago trying to figure out how to load the two movies I bought (Dan In Real Life and You've Got Mail) onto my iPod. I couldn't do it. Not sure why, but I couldn't do it. So I gave up. And since I'm leaving on a jet plane tomorrow morning, I'm bumming that I couldn't figure it out. Now I'll have to sit in silence and eat my peanuts on the way to LA. It's killin me. But not as much as trying to wrap my brain around the iPod would be, so whatever.

2) I can't even figure out my vcr. That's right, kids, I said VCR. (Not dvr.) I have a vcr/dvd combo and when I wanted to tape Army Wives last week, I somehow got an hour of static. Not sure how I did that, and/or how to make sure it never happens again. I've only lived with a vcr in my house for, oh... 20 years now? And I cannot get a simple tv show to record. (I know, what is my damage?)

3) I was pretty sure that I BROKE the laptop night before last. When I went to turn it off, IT WOULD NOT TURN OFF. I was having a freak-out extraordinaire about it, finally unplugged the sucker, said a prayer of "please let it not be dead, please let it not be dead" (note to self... it wasn't dead... I couldn't turn it OFF - not couldn't turn it ON... idiot), and I pushed really hard on the on/off button until it went off. Yeah, it turns out that I'd accidentally hit an "update" button and the computer was thinking, not dying. Oh, geez.

Okay, so it's been settled. I suck with machines. We're pretty much... incompatible, machines & me. We have not been, nor do I think we will ever really be, friends.

That having been said, let me tell you about the voicemail message I left at my dentist's office last night.

But first, please allow me to recap the high points of Dr. Steve for you. The man has the most ridiculously (albeit (or would that be albethem?) hairless) muscular arms (I'm not sure if he waxes, plucks, shaves, or what... Jen's vote is that he's a competitive swimmer). He's an ex-marine (which you know, I think is HOT... to say the very least). He's single. He's a good Christian boy (I know this because his mother is his receptionist and likes to tell me stuff like that). He's a Republican (again, thanks, Mom, for the update). AND he's mad at the dentist who screwed my root canal tooth up (I now have two, count them, TWO cavities inside my cap, due to poor sealing or something like that - it's swell). You can understand why I love him. Oh, yeah... and he has a low rattley voice, with a touch of an accent (may be southern... may be just a twang... whatever it is, I'm a fan).

Soooooo.... all of that having been said about Dr. Steve... I've had an appointment scheduled to go to the dentist on the 3rd, which, well... I've been meaning to cancel (as I no longer have dental insurance, and besides, I'm a WUSS). So, I thought "I'll call when it's not office hours and I know that I'll just get the machine and I can leave a cancellation message". (Read above commentary about how bad I am with machines. That was NOT a good plan.) Well, I called, and... it was his own deep & rattley voice on the machine, asking me with that bizarre maybe/maybe not accent to leave a message. Of course, by the time it was my turn to talk, I'd been focusing on the deep voice and not on what I had to say. This is pretty much how it went...

Me: "Uhm... hi, this is (insert my full legal name here). I have an appointment on the 3rd that I need to cancel."

moment of silence

Me Again: "I'm .... uh .... not sure when I'll be able to come in, but I'll call and reschedule."

another moment of silence

Me, Yet Again: "Uh.... in a couple weeks, I'll call to reschedule."

yeah, I'm not kidding... MORE silence

Me: "Okay, that's all. Thanksandgoodbye." With the last four words breathed out in a high pitched squeaky rush.

Oh, good grief. I hung up and laughed out loud at myself. What am I, 13 and calling the cute boy from math class? No, sadly, I am a 34 yr old woman calling a medical professional to cancel/reschedule an appointment. Egads. I'm telling you... if I'd been there in person, I'd have been fine. It was totally the machine that made me so weird. Don't worry, I'll be fine (I would hope!) on the singles cruise. Fine. Just fine. Really... Fine. (A little positive self-talk never hurt anybody, right?) I'll be fine.

6 Quirky Things About Me

Yeah, so... my sister-in-law, Brea, tagged me almost a month ago and I'm FINALLY getting around to it. (Sorry, Brea.) I'm ridiculously late, but here ya go. :)

1) I love cold water. Not ice water, mind you, cold water. It can be ice cold and I'm fine. I'm just not a fan of the actual ice. (Unless I have a straw. If I have a straw, I can deal with the ice. I just don't like the stuff hitting my teeth.)

2) I've been cracking my knuckles since I was 11. It's sad. It's disgusting. But it's true. I was sitting in Primary (Merrie Miss B, to be exact), in the old church, in the closet that was our classroom and Lori Adams was cracking her knuckles. I'd never heard that sound before, and I thought it was AWESOME, so I tried it. I got hooked quickly, and even though I can't stand that I do it, I still crack them almost every day.

3) I love a true-story movie. I'm an absolute SAP. It doesn't matter what it's about (horses, football, hockey, mad scientists, the civil war... anything), I love the inspirational story, the big swell of the background music, the sappy endings. Aahhhhh, those are good times.

4) My favorite dip? Green onion. I love it! A lot of people have never heard of it, or have never tasted it (thinking that the french onion dip is the only only onion dip out there). Oh, the green onion stuff is fantastic! I love it with potato chips, carrots, on sandwiches (instead of mayo). Oooooh, yum!

5) I can't sleep in anymore. It's tragic, but it's true. I've been waking up between 6:00 and 6:30 in the AM every day since... oh, 1987, pretty much, and I'm sorry to say that it's taken its toll. I have an internal clock that just goes off every morning. It's horrible. Sometimes I can get back to sleep, but the days of sleeping in until 9:00? Long gone...

6) I cut my own hair, and I always have. Almost exclusively. There was a period in my 20's when I had short (like a boy) hair for about a year, and I couldn't hack that (pun totally intended... I'm cracking myself up over here). And then, twice, when I had layers put in a couple years later. But yeah, since then... it's been all me. It's not always pretty, but at least I can get my hair cut the same day that I reach the point where it HAS to go. (And it's thick & curly enough to hide a multitude of mistakes. And I should know, because I've made a lot of them.)

Turning 27 ... yet again.

You Act Like You Are 27 Years Old

You are a twenty-something at heart. You feel like an adult, and you're optimistic about life. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. You're still figuring out your place in the world and how you want your life to shape up. The world is full of possibilities, and you can't wait to explore many of them.

What Age Do You Act?

Oooh, I'm in love with this test! (Little do they know that I'm actually turning 34 .... but who's counting?) 27, huh? That was a great year. I'll totally repeat it! :)

Ya wanna know why I want a man like Rhett?

Because when he proposes to Scarlett and asks what kind of ring she wants, she asks for a diamond ring (a great big one). He promises her "the biggest and the most vulgar ring in Atlanta". And not only that, but that he'll "take to her New Orleans for the most expensive honeymoon that his ill-gotten gains can buy". Yummmm... He's absolutely sinful, isn't he? (And I love it!)

FFA: Gone With The Wind. Do you give a damn?

Uh, yeah. And I'll give a whole lot more than a damn, too, while I'm at it. I'll give you a full blown testimonial, in fact. Oh, how I love this movie. I also LOVE the book, but I met the movie first and it is one of the few movies that are based on books where I prefer the movie to the book. Not that the book isn't quite excellent. It really, really is. In fact, there's a lot more meat in the book. There's a lot more to the story than you get in the movie, and yet... I prefer the movie. Why? Because I love Clark Gable. (Oh, how I love Clark Gable. He's the 1930's equivalent to a combination of Hugh Jackman & Christian Bale, if you ask me. And we all know how much I love Wolverine & Batman... so that's saying quite a bit.) And if there was ever a role that was made for Clark Gable, it's that of Rhett Butler. Damn, damn, damn... he's a beautiful man, Rhett is. Both inside and out. I love him. I love his brash manner, his courage, his devotion to all things Scarlett (even though I personally think she's a pill and he could do soooo very much better), his honesty. I love his devotion to his Bonnie Blue, his kindness and mercy (that only Melanie ever seems to really see), and his relationship with the town harlot. Oh. My. Gosh. I love Rhett. I do. I can't help it. Watch this little clip and you'll see why I think he's the #1 Alpha Male of all time. Dudes, I so love him...

Other things I love about this movie: hating Scarlett, Mammy's red petticoat (again, I so love Rhett for buying it for her), Melanie's absolute & total goodness, the cinematography, thinking to myself that Ashley's parents made him into a sad sappy dope the second they gave him that sissified girl name, the score, the colors, the knowledge that the bodies in the battle field are real people (not computer generated), and that the fire's real too. Basically, I love everything about this movie. I love the story, the romance, the drama, the intrigue, the politics, the clothing... I love it all. Even the people who make me crazy... I love to hate them. Hands down, this is one of my favorite movies of all time (and not just because there's a swear word in it). If you haven't seen it, you must. If you have seen it, and don't love it ... you'd best not be telling me about it, because I'll have to call off our friendship. (Don't test me here, folks. I'm pretty serious.)

Halloween's gonna suck this year...

1974 was a good year

Thirty-four years ago, I was born.

So was this Volkswagon Beetle Love Bug edition.

For those of you who don't know, I am in love with classic VW Bugs. I have wanted one for as long as I can remember. Few things make me as happy as seeing a classic car on the road, and the VW Bug is my classic car of choice. So, that having been said. And my birth (and the birth of this car) having been mentioned, I'd just like to put it out there... My birthday's in 13 days. And if any of you are wondering what to get me, I'll be more than happy to help you out. I'd love you more than anything (or anyone) if you'd get me a vintage VW in mint condition. My colors of preference are (pretty much in this order): kelly green, canary yellow, black, orange, red. Of course, if all you can afford is a rusted out piece, I'd take that, too. Maybe I'll get lucky and meet some muscle-bound man who'll help me put it back together. (Listen, this is my birthday wish. Don't rain on my parade. So what if muscle-bound men aren't really my type? This is my birthday fantasy and I'll play it out any way I please.) Please and thank you very much (for the car, not for allowing the fantasy - though that does make me happy as well).

Like Mother, Like Daughter

If there is a perk to working long hours and driving home in the dark these past few weeks, it is that I am almost always on the road at the tail end of an Arizona sunset. (Now, before you start to wonder & worry as to whether I took this pic myself as I hurried down the 101 on my way home tonight, let me break in and let you know that this pic is courtesy of google images. As much as Whitney is my hero for taking pictures while she's driving - since I was going 70 and (gasp) on the phone, I thought it best to NOT try to take a pic as I was coming home tonight.) Though I didn't take the pic myself, this picture is indicative of the sunsets we get here in the great state of Arizona. Almost every day of the year, our sunsets are AMAZING. And I'm always happy when I have a moment to stop for them. Every time I am able to sit and stare at the sun going down (even if that sitting & staring is done from behind the wheel of a car that I happen to be driving at high speed in an opposite direction from the setting sun), I am amazed at this wonderful world that we live in, that there is something so beautiful to be seen every single day. And I always, always, think of my mom when I see a beautiful sunset. Growing up, and even now, it's not uncommon for a phone call to come in from (or go out to) my mom's friend, Katy U., at dusk. The only words spoken are "Sunset Alert", and then my mom and Katy will hang up their phones as they go out to their respective yards to watch the sun go down. Many a dinner has sat (and... uhm... burned) on the stove while my mom watched the sun set from the side yard. As we got older, we'd watch the stove for her - or go out and stand with her. I cherish memories of standing in the yard, smelling the honeysuckle, and watching the sun go down with my mother. I'm a lucky, lucky girl that I had a mom who took time for sunsets, even when dinner was on the stove. Thanks, Mom, for making sure that we knew what was important to you, and for sharing it with us. I love you!

Lovin the Red, White & Blue

I have to show you guys this cake... Yeah, it's not mine. It's Christian's, but it's SO FREAKING AWESOME that I have to show it to the world. As discussed previously, we're taking a haitus from cake class. This Thursday was the first week we weren't making cakes in... 2 months. As we walked out of work, Christine, Christian and I were laughing about how GREAT it felt to know that we weren't gonna have to wash any frosting tips out before we went to bed that night. Little did we know that Christian was gonna go home and watch the VP debate and then wax patriotic and create this red, white and blue beauty. Check it.

Isn't it awesome? I did a close up of the side so you can see how cool the basket weave was. She used the star tip for the weave, and look at those super cute little red & blue stars at the end of each weave pattern. Oh my gosh, she's a creative genius!

You know, I do love a good fire...

You Are Arson

No doubt about it, you have a serious destructive streak. You can't help it! Sometimes you just get so frustrated with the world, and you have to let your aggression out You have a notoriously bad temper. You are obsessed with getting your revenge. You are obviously a pyromaniac, whether you realize it or not. It feels great to watch something burn.

What Felony Are You?

Honestly, I was kind of surprised. I mean, I do love me a good raging fire, don't get me wrong. But I do have a penchant (and a past) of pinching what I think should be mine. Now that I'm a grownup, I only steal things like straws and ketchup packets at fast-food establishments. But I do have a history of taking all kinds of random things (brownie and lemon bar mixes from my grammy's pantry, super cool pens from my next door neighbor that I used to babysit for, and how about me stealing suckers from the little old lady in my neighborhood and then re-selling them for double the purchase price on the grade school playground? (cut me some slack, I was in 5th grade, and my parents didn't give me an allowance), oh right... and the time I took a six-pack of root beer out of my parents' room - drank it all in one Saturday afternoon - and when my dad asked who'd taken it, I set my brothers up to take the fall). So, while I'm not disappointed with the arson charges, per se... I am a bit surprised. I was really looking forward to something like "thievery". Oh well, maybe next time. It's not like these online tests can be counted on to be totally accurate every time...