Before & Afters

For those of you who hadn't seen me in the days leading up to surgery... I bring you some fun before/after shots.



Do you see how much I wasn't kidding, when I said I was looking big and pregnant? It was pretty awesome, right?

In fact, here's a fun little story for you. The day before I had surgery (the day these pictures were taken, incidentally), I went to lunch with some girlfriends and about halfway through our meal, the server came to check on us - you know, the standard "how does everything taste, can I get you anything else?" routine - and she thought she'd make a little small talk with me and ask when I was due. (The poor thing, she had no idea what she was getting herself into.) I was a little slow on the uptake (I'd known for some time that I looked preggers, but this was the first time anyone else - well, a stranger, anyway - had acknowledged it), my response was to kind of skew my face up and say "Well....". She cut me off with a quickly uttered "Oh, please tell me that you're pregnant and I didn't just say you look pregnant when you aren't" apology. I laughed (this was back when I could laugh) and thanked for validating that I looked pregnant (many of my friends had tried to tell me that I didn't look preggers, and in fact, didn't even look any different ... both of which were sweet, but outright lies), and then I told her that it wasn't a baby, but a tumor, and I was having it out the next day. You should have seen her face. The poor thing! First she had intimated that I was pregnant, and I wasn't - then I told her that my "baby" was a tumor. She was horrified. I just laughed, again, pretty hard. (You know me, so you can believe it.) Poor little Olive Garden server. Bless her sweet heart... I'll have to go back sometime soon and show her that the tumor didn't kill me, and then I'll order the Steak Gorgonzola and all will be right in the world...

Anyway, so I looked pregnant. I mean.... big and pregnant, with the rock hard stomach and everything. Here's a lovely side shot of my lying on the couch. Check out that tummy. Ha!




And then I had surgery and they took my 22.5 lb tumor out of my body and I was a changed woman.



This is not the most fabulous picture of me, please know that I know this. (But how awesome is my fuzzy baby-bird hair? It's been humid and I like to nap, and I don't like to re-do my pony when I wake up. So there.) But still... holy moly, I am a changed woman. I went to the doc last week and they weighed me for the first time since my initial tumor-finding doctor appointment the week of Memorial Day, and I was 38 lbs lighter last week than I was exactly a month before. (I wish I'd thought to have them weigh me prior to surgery, so I'd know how much I'd weighed right before they took Darth Vader out of me, but I can't turn back time, so the number 38 will have to do.)

I wish I could do a new side shot for you - to show off my now non-preggers belly - but I am still unable to lie on my side. (It may take up to 3 months before I can lie on my side again. It's tragic. And debilitating, as I am, by nature, a side sleeper. But oh, well. I'm alive, so whatever.)

Anyway, that's the old/new me. I mean... I'm still the same me, but that's my old tummy and my new-ish tummy. It's surreal to have gone from having a huge bump of a tummy down to having an actual waist again. It's super weird to have your body change overnight. (I imagine this is what it's like for you women who've birthed actual children.) Now, I'm not going to recommend this as the best/easiest way to lose weight (you would be amazed - or possibly horrified, as I have been - at the number of people who've told me that "this was probably the easiest 20 lbs you've ever lost" ... I wouldn't go straight to "easy", I have a 13 inch incision down my stomach and I eat percocet like they're candy to help with pain), but it has been amazing to have my body go through this crazy transformation in less than a month. I just look forward to the day when I can wear an actual bra again. (It's ridiculous, what you don't appreciate until you have an incision the size of Rhode Island down your torso that makes it pure misery to wear proper undergarments.)