People, I must report that this week has been... well... SO MUCH EASIER than I thought it would be.
I mean, don't get me wrong... I've still had my moments of collapsing against my kitchen counter or the door frame in my bathroom and sobbing my heart out. Don't even get me started on the mascara stains on my sheets. I'm still trying to forget about the high-speed-come-apart that I had in the Primary room during Sunday School last week. (My Lizzie was there to witness the snot-a-thon that was me, hysterical, for a good 20 minutes, in a room with no kleenex. And she still loves me. It's a miracle.) Not to mention the nights/mornings that I've woken up between 2:00 and 3:00, unable to breathe, obsessing about everything I have to get done before next Thursday.
This week has been challenging, I won't lie. ... I've had a lot to get done, on very little sleep. (Thank you, Coca Cola Company and People of Nothing Bundt, for making sugary drinks and baking cakes that give me the illusion of energy. I heart sugar and caffeine. Big time.)
But, seriously, this week has been a good one. I'm very, very tired (exhausted is probably a more apt term), but I'm happy.
I woke up this morning feeling at peace, and hopeful. This was the first morning in over two weeks that I haven't woken up either worried about what they would find in my scan, or worried about what they did find in my scan.
This peace that I'm feeling is due to a lot of blessings that I've received and am incredibly (and unspeakably) grateful for. In the last four days:
* My medical leave was approved
* People are coming out of the woodwork, asking how - and then creating ways - they can help me
* I had a spicy chicken sandwich from Wendy's yesterday that was the best I've EVER had
* Chocolate, chocolate chip bundt cake with cream cheese icing... Need I say more?
* I had a 3+ hour long dinner at Spinato's with Kimmie
* That stupid wisdom tooth that was killing me decided to stop hurting (hallelujah!)
* I slept a 7 hour stretch on Tuesday (most sleep I've had in one night for weeks, I feel like!)
* My real cousins - and adopted cousins - have emailed, texted, and snail mailed me prizes
* I've had some sort of contact/conversation with every single one of my siblings
* My favorite manager at my favorite restaurant has offered to have her kitchen make my favorite dinner of all time on Saturday (special, just for me), so I can have Charleston's Pineapple Teriyaki Steak before I go in for surgery
This week has been chock full of tender mercies, I tell you. Chock. Full.
So what if my stomach's grown another inch? (Yeah, I measure it. Weekly. Because I'm sick like that. ... This is three inches in less than a month, for anyone who's counting.) In seven days, the tumor that is making my stomach grow will come out. Next Thursday *knock on wood*, I'll be officially cancer-free again, with all evidence of malignancy safely on its way to a pathologist's lab.
For a girl who has to live with the reality of an incredibly difficult surgery on the horizon, I lead an otherwise charmed life. (Seriously. I really do. You have no idea how good that spicy chicken sandwich was. It was a culinary blessing sent straight from Heaven, I'm pretty sure. ... And, yes, I just said that Wendy's is a culinary experience. Don't judge.)
I love my life, even (and sometimes, especially) when it is hard.