I haven't written very much this week. Like, at all. (Okay, there were two days that I felt the need to emotionally vomit a little bit, but I was too tired at the end of those days to feel that I was awake enough to adequately edit myself and trust that I was grammar appropriate and typo (oh, and swear word) free enough to actually post them.) So, on a Saturday night, here I am on my blog, editing Thursday and Friday's posts and typing a recap of the week. Good times.
Things I've learned (and/or remembered) this week:
Prayer is a real help - not just when other people pray for me, but also when I'm smart enough to follow the spirit and pray for my own self.
I sort of hate the way that MD Anderson schedules things. (Their scheduling department scheduled a battery of tests for Wednesday morning, starting at 8:15 that will last until noon-ish. Mind you, these are all fasting tests, so I would have to fast until noon. (I don't fast, people. The only way you're gonna get me to not eat for two meals is if I've recently had surgery and am on the ice-chip-only diet for lack of my system being able to process food.) Also, I had told them right up front that I'd need a Thursday morning appointment for the scans - not Wednesday - and a Friday afternoon appointment for the follow-up with my new doctor boyfriend and his surgical sidekick. None of my scheduling wishes came true. None of them! ... Don't you worry, I've put in a request to amend the appointments to the Thursday and Friday of the next week, with the hours that will work best for me. I'm just saying that I remembered that I don't love their scheduling desk, because they just made the appointment without calling me to discuss what days and times would work best for me. Grrrr.)
Downton Abbey is the best period drama ever. (Seriously, ever. I had a sick day from church on Sunday and whipped through season one in one day. I spent the rest of the week watching season two here and there, wherever I could justify fitting an episode in.) Maggie Smith, as always, steals the show. My favorite line from season two (and new slogan for how I'm gonna tell people to stop whining): "Don't be defeatist. It's very middle-class."
I have the best friends ever! This, of course, is not news, but I was able to spend time with Jo, Whitney, Emily, Liz and Annie on different days this week. All of that extracurricular time with my girlfriends reminded me that finding time and energy for the people who feed my soul is an absolute must-do.
I really do sleep better when I've taken my sad little body on a walk. (One day this week, I had too much going on in the evening to walk after work and I might have slept a total of five hours that night. Maybe. You can bet that I walked for an hour and a half the next day to make sure I wore myself out well enough to sleep through the night.)
Grasshopper cookies really aren't as good as Thin Mints. As I was choking them down last night, I was thinking "these are a poor girl's Thin Mint". (Don't worry, I'll still eat them, even if I don't love them. I'm sick like that.)
So, it turns out that I did have stuff going on this last week, after all, even if I wasn't writing every day. (Downton Abbey, I blame (and thank) you for having been my escape from reality this week. I'm pretty sure that I had to buy a new box of popcorn because I spent so much time in front of the TV this week and didn't cook an actual dinner even once.) It's been a rather numb week. I haven't really had any major come-aparts, which has been a nice change of pace. I seem to be on a one-week-on-one-week-off schedule for the crying fits. The upside of the days/weeks that I cry a lot is that it wears me out, so I sleep a little better. The downside of the crying is that my nose turns red and swells a little. (Just call me Rudolph.)
I'm just over six weeks into this diagnosis. I'm starting to think that I may need actual sleeping pills (it's on my list of things to talk to the doctor about), but now that most of the chemo v. surgery drama has shaken itself out, I'm getting used to this being my new (or at least, current) "normal" and am now working on finding a groove.
